Turning The Tables

The past few days had been extremely rough. Just a week ago I was feeling the sense of being healed and that God had truly turned this thing around. I can tell you that restoration and healing is still in Gods plan but I was caught up in a spiritual battle but at the time I was unaware of it. My husband and I were fighting and things weren't looking good. The "D" word was being thrown around and I believed it was over for us. For two days we weren't talking besides the little amounts we had too. In a very short space of time I had this sense that Holy Spirit was saying to me "Go and reconnect with your husband". I was yelling out, "No, I can't go through this pain anymore. Unless you take away my memory, I'm not doing it. I've been doing it long enough". As you can imagine, God had his own plans and I fought him every step of the way. The struggles my husband and I are going through are like a tsunami and satan doesn't want God to have the victory because the previous 2.5 weeks were absolutely amazing. A true vision of healing. Anyway, it didn't take me long to figure out I was caught up in a spiritual battle that is beyond me. I could hear the words ringing in my ear "Be Still". Satan had tried and somewhat succeeded with filling my head with things like "You deserve a better life than this one. You can have a husband that won't hurt you". (These were all lies from satan. I do deserve to be happy but not separated from my amazing, faithful husband). For those who know me, I'm a fighter and I generally don't allow satan's words to resonate within me but this was like a bomb had exploded and I didn't know which way was up. 

Anyway, I seeked help through friends that were amazing in prayer. Their words that just seemed to be downloaded straight from God himself truly helped settle my soul. I seeked Biblical counsel from a wise woman whose words just seemed to fill me up. After seeing her, I came home and my inner being was seeking out my husband. I could tell that there was no running from this one. He and I are meant to be together and God has his hand over us. Even if I tried to run, I would always end up back in the arms of my beloved. When God has a plan for your life, you can try to fight it but like myself, he will drag you back to his path kicking and screaming if necessary. I can say that today, my husband and I are back in each others arms and ready to continue to rely on God for his healing within our lives. He has a plan for our marriage and our lives, there's no escaping it. 

During this time of struggle, God met one of the many visions he provided me with. For the past 4 months, God had "World Vision" (Yes, the company) ringing in my ears and deep on my heart. Previously, World Vision put out 3 jobs some months back and I applied for them, staying faithful to God's visions and I was denied every step of the way. I was confused but I chose to stay faithful to his promises and not let the rejection get me down too much. Anyway, 2 weeks ago another casual position came up through World Vision, so I stepped out again in faith and applied. In the midst of this recent crisis, I received an email from World Vision whom have invited me for an interview June 4th. Can you believe it!?! God is so faithful to his promises!! He just knew that the timing was absolutely necessary. Thank You Jesus for loving me and my husband so very much and always coming through. I cannot believe how many promises that have come to light and yet my faith still waivers at times of spiritual attack. Forgive me father, I really am like a young child needing your guidance and direction every step of the way. I'm so thankful that you never give up on us. I love you so much!

Today is another day and I'm ready for the battles ahead. I'm still struggling and God knows what it is I need so I will wait as patiently as I can and watch him move mountains for me. 

God Bless You All!

All in God's timing.

Tormented By The Past - 3rd and Final

Hi brothers and sisters, if you haven't read "Part 1" and "Part 2" please do so, so that you can keep up to date with God's amazing healing abilities. May God bless you all!

As you may have noticed I've written that this blog on the series "Tormented By the Past" is going to be my last on this topic. There has been a huge transition from where I was to where I am now. As I'm writing you, I'm trying to think what things truly helped with my letting go of past hurts and disappointments and I know this is going to sound a bit cliche but truly it was God's amazing blessings partnered with determination. 

Honestly, when you are so broken that the only thing that is going to get you out of a really bad situation is relying on our Heavenly Father, he truly steps in and does the rest for you. When I truly opened my heart and gave him the key, he was able to step in and work his miracles. There has been a complete shift in my way of thinking from feeling like a victim to knowing that I'm a survivor. One of the biggest pieces of advice I could give you is to focus less on your problems at hand and seek out God in everything you do. What I mean by that is, when we spend so much time focusing on our problems we allow them to become a much bigger problem. You are breathing life into the ugly and that is exactly what satan wants us to do. When you redirect your focus on God you are strengthening that relationship which decreases the strength of your current situation. 

Philippians 4:8:"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

This was not an easy journey for my husband and I but I have learnt so much from our season of suffering in the valley. I'm not saying that bad days won't come from now on because that would be a lie but I know with all of my heart and soul we are on the other side of this thing. I know who I am and that my identity is in Christ and never again will anyone steal that from me. 

What I can say is that through our trials, especially the extremely severe broken foundational trials is that unless you go through it, you will never understand just how painful it truly is. Also, when you've been through such devastation you will be amazed at the true connection you have with your Heavenly Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Before this season of suffering, I had never really experienced Gods "REAL" love. I was working to please him which is truly a waste of time because we cannot make him love us anymore or any less than he already does. I had never really experienced that deep connection with the Holy Spirit until now. I can honestly hear his pure and soft voice that dwells within me. He's such an amazing counsellor and I expect that over time that voice will be heard more frequent and a lot more clearer. 

As I was spending time in prayer a few days ago I invited the Holy Spirit into my conversation and I couldn't believe what I was hearing!! At first I was sceptical but he truly expressed things that no one else knew, he quoted biblical verses that not even I had read before and he even explained the importance of testing the spirits. It was so fascinating. He explained things in our healing journey, he gave clear instructions and told me when this season was going to come to an end. The fact is that, the Holy Spirit who dwells in you is real. He wants a relationship with you. He wants to speak to you on behalf of God. He is so loving and so trustworthy. For some people, experiencing the true depth of the Holy Spirit seems so distant and impossible but I'm here to tell you that he is real and he is just waiting for you to seek him out. It may not happen straight away but stay persistent. Faith will always be the driving force. When you have an abundance of faith in Christ, Jesus you will be amazed at the miracles you start to see big and small. 

All though I have been through many trials in my life already, I realise that God has had a plan and purpose for all of our shortcomings all along. He truly is turning it all around for our good. I still have some smaller hurdles to overcome but all things through Christ are possible. The fear that was driving me beforehand is no longer a strong presence in my life. I no longer feel like the woman trapped in a bubble or in fear of running into people to the same degree I was before. I have a sense of purpose and direction and I've become a woman after God's own heart. May God bless you all and do the same for you. Life is one big journey that God takes us on, removing the fruitless things in our lives and replacing them with blessings. Sometimes, in fact most of the time that isn't a painless process but stay focused because there is a purpose for your suffering.

God loves you!

Tormented No Longer!

God First

The importance of putting God first: In todays society with the busyness of life we sometimes can forget God's order for our lives. When we allow our spouse, children, job or others fill our God spot over time things start to breakdown. How do I know this? Well, I've been there. You see when I was new to my faith, without even knowing it I had my spouse in my God spot. Like myself, I've heard many others neglecting God by filling that space with their children or their jobs and I'm not saying that these things aren't important but when you have the right order in your house the rest will and does fall into place. 

By me having my spouse in my God spot, I was putting so much extra pressure on him to perform or be that of perfection. I wasn't truly aware of it at the time and Satan is very tricky at how he maneuvers because as we all know, he knows our weaknesses. He also knows what we are destined for so if he can keep you preoccupied, caught up in your own little bubble, you are truly making him happy. Now I can tell you from experience that because I was idolising my husband, my time with God was slipping. I wasn't praying daily, I wasn't reading my bible and I wasn't going to church. Do you see the domino effect that happens when we put anything and/or anyone in our God spot? Not only do things start to fall apart but the major construction that goes back into repairing what we broke is a painful transition. I can tell you, had I known of the pain that I was going to experience by not putting God first was going to be so deep and destructive, I would have made a conscious effort to begin with. 

Now what I'm about to say, I say with all sincerity. God is a jealous God. He is not happy when we are filling his place with other things. This is not to be taken lightly. When doing so we are actually in sin. The bible says:

Exodus 34:14: for you shall worship no other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.

Exodus 34:17: “Do not make any idols."

When it's written "no other god" this also means idolatry etc.

Matthew 6:33: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

You see when we have our life set out in God's order, he will recognise our efforts and bless us for it. Although that shouldn't be the focal point of why we stick to God's design for our lives but boy will it keep us out of some strife. Let's not make life harder for ourselves than it already is. 

God Bless,

God's my #1 and I'm his #1 fan!