Life's ebb and flows

Hi bloggersphere,

It's been a while since I last posted. Lots and not much has happened as of late. My husband and I live in another remote Indigenous community but we will be leaving soon...


I'm in the process of searching the digital nomadic lifestyle in hopes I come across something I can sink my teeth into that will lead to us no longer being tied down to one place and allow us the freedom to indulge in one of my favourite passions..... TRAVEL! I would love to Travel the world sharing the love of Jesus with my husband. Oh yeah, things are fantastic on the marriage front these days! Praise God and Hallelujah!! Only possible with The Lord right!?! It's strange because the past events are no longer a contributing factor in our day to day lives. I barely think about it. Like a whole other person it happened to.

I've been thinking about possibly opening myself up to the online marriage coach area of expertise all though it's all owed to the glory of The Lord and His willingness to heal us. What do you think? I can't make up my mind whether to use our story to fuel financial freedom and helping others in the process or go another route like, becoming a travel agent.... Seriously, my mind is all over the place. God did give me the vision of being Christian Marriage Counsellors so, it's probably safe to stick with God on this one right!?!

I know our experiences make us qualified in the area but do you think we should get a Christian counselling qualification to authenticate it? I'm not sure.... Both my husband and I have a qualification in community services that is equivalent to that of a Pastoral qualification but I think I'd rather it be titled that instead of community services.

If we got this thing up and running, we were thinking of running marriage retreats as well... What do you think? Going to some exotic location with others like you who are struggling in their marriage and being supported by us who have been in your shoes whilst allowing God to lead? It sounds pretty good to me.

Anyway, I will be posting a variety of things such as travel, marriage, food and work on this page or a new one.... Not sure yet. I feel as if I'm in a new season and I need a new blog title to kick it off with. This blog will still exist as a point of reference but we are new creations so I think we may go the new route.

Keep you posted!
Thriving Future Marriage Coach Ahead!

Redemption From Adultery

For all those who know our testimony you will know that devastation hit us 2.5 years ago when my husband confessed that he had been committing adultery. It completely shattered my heart and I felt it smash into a million pieces and land on the floor that very day.. Looking back on how far we have come and the journey Jesus has had us on is remarkable to say the least. There has been so much healing that has taken place over the last few years, it's truly incredible. Our marriage was saved by Jesus himself. Without him we would have been another ugly marital statistic that ended up in divorce. That is not part of Gods plan. God didn't cause these things to happen, it was the enemy. He comes to kill, steal and destroy and let me tell you, he stole from me what was valuable. That very day my husband confessed the old me died and so did he. At the time it seemed that we would never come back from that devastation and that life would be meaningless and lost from that point forth. However, Jesus has been showing us that there is purpose to this life beyond our suffering and there is freedom in the finished work on the cross. Forgiveness has been so important in this process and just when you think you've forgiven everything something ugly will boil up inside of you that you need to take to the cross and forgive all over again. Forgiveness of such sin is like layers of an onion. Bit by bit The Holy Spirit allows a different layer to peal off allowing you to face it so that it can be dealt with. You see The Holy Spirit will not give you more than you can handle in the moment so he will allow things to surface gradually until there is no more left. 

Through this journey I have had to face my very own identity crisis, not knowing who I am and whether I was valuable because of my husbands actions. The lies of the enemy would tell me that I'm not worth being faithful too and that I wasn't pretty enough or the other women were sexier than I. I have to tell you, I started to believe it and it sunk so deeply in my heart that it created deep insecurities that only The Father could deal with. I have been focusing more and more on who I am in Christ and as I do this I've started to see my worth through Jesus eyes. I'm a beautiful child of God. I'm worth more to him than rubies and diamonds. I was and am worth dying for!! That's amazing when you realise that God sent his son to die JUST FOR YOU! Thank you Jesus for seeing the value in me even when I can't see it in myself. I also want those of you out there that have been dealt this ugly card that your spouse cheating is not your fault. It's truly not. It's another lie from the devil that we get caught up believing. "Maybe if you were more intimate he wouldn't have had to cheat on you etc..." It's all RUBBISH! I believe it's important to own our own mistakes in our relationships too and during this healing process it's such a great time to do a self analysis and own up the faults you may have played BUT in saying this THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR SOMEONE CHEATING! NONE! I didn't realise it but I had my husband in my God spot, I idolised the ground he walked on and my expectations of him were to be Jesus. I wasn't purposely doing this but thats the kind of pressure I had on him. No one can be Jesus, except Jesus! We are all sinners who have fallen short and need a saviour that's just the reality of it. My husband was so caught up in the sin of lust through pornography introduced to him at such a young age, that thing had him tied down in bondage and only Jesus could free him from that. It breaks my heart thinking of the many many lives out there caught in these very same traps... It's terrible but there is hope in Jesus...

I have to tell you God has had us on a journey living in the outback and caring for Indigenous children and has given me purpose beyond myself. We get to be like Jesus to these children each and every day and share the gospel with many. There are so many people who are hurting much more than I and who are much more lost than I and I tell you what, it so helps to put your eyes on Jesus and to help others whilst going through your storm. God has allowed my heart to heal in so many ways from the adultery but has also allowed my heart to break for the Aboriginal people here in Australia. Their lives are precious and it's our job to show them just how much they are loved. 

Well, it's now holiday time for the children and their families and God has shown me that it's time to return to the place where my devastation was laid upon me, back to the home state. I believe God is showing me that this is a necessary step, the last step to our healing journey before we can close the book and start a fresh. I tell you what, I have been so nervous, scared and fear driven these past few weeks leading up to this big step ahead of us BUT I know that fear is not from God because perfect love casts out all fear and God is LOVE. It's a tactic of the enemy because he wants me to back out and not follow through. Well, he's got another thing coming because we are going!!! I'm so thankful that my days are generally filled with joy for the most part. I won't lie to you, there are still the odd moments where I'm back, deep in it BUT it's not the same and it definitely doesn't last as long. I believe the day that I no longer feel any residual pain is the day I'm finally free and I know it's so so close!! THANK YOU JESUS! Please pray for my husband and I as we face this last hurdle that God will walk with us and guide our every step. That The Holy Spirit will protect my mind and that the angels with keep us safe and out of harms way. It's a time to rejoice because through Christ Jesus we have overcome the devils schemes of destruction and God rewards his faithful servants for standing firm through the trials we face. Praise God for our NEW lives in HIM! Amen

Signing Off,

Warrior Princess!

Happy Anniversary!

                       

July 29th 2007, 6 years ago to date I married the man of my dreams. The man I shared many hopes and dreams with for our future together. We were married in a courthouse with close friends near by. We didn't have much money but we had an overwhelming amount of love for one another. As I reflect back on the 6 years of marriage there have been many highs and sadly, many lows but today is about celebration. Today signifies victory over past hurts, it signifies oneness. For me, it's about setting aside all the disappointments, stripping it all back to my husband, Christ and I. Today is a day to not only acknowledge the commitment we made 6 years ago but it's also about acknowledging Jesus and what he has done for us. I'm so great full for my husband and the many lessons learned from having him in my life. Some things I wished we wouldn't of had to of learnt the hard way but through trials brings strength, perseverance and a building of ones character. 

1 year ago to date,  we renewed our vows on our 5 year anniversary in beautiful Hawaii but only this time we had the wedding I desired with family members from both sides and loved ones to bare witness. I had the beautiful dress and the dashing Prince Charming to go with it. This time there was a Pastor present as we said our vows re affirming our commitment to God and one another restoring the covenant that at the time had been broken. It was such a beautiful day. 

As you maybe aware from previous blogs, our marital journey has been far from a walk in the park but we are still standing firm united. We get knocked down by the waves and thunderstorms of life but God helps us rise back up on to our feet each and every time. Did you know without God this marriage would have headed straight for divorce? That's right and that shakes me to my core knowing just how fragile we are. God has given us beauty from our ashes and not that we are completely through it all but we are mighty close. 

Sometime ago I read a Christian  book on healing and restoration and in that book it said:

"Isn't it caring and right for God to improve your character? We are his after all. Besides, marriage was never all about you. What if God needs to change your husband by making him struggle through these problems with you? Is it not fair for God to ask you to serve him this way after everything he's done for you? We aren't truly a marriage of three until we accept his higher ways of thinking on marriage."

As you can imagine this spoke volumes to me in our season of brokenness but not only that it has given me a revelation on marriage in its entirety. You see, we usually get married based on feelings. You hear many people say "we are so inlove". As you grow, learn and endure hard times and we all will go through them at some stage we begin to learn that love isn't just about a feeling because feelings change. Love is about doing. It's a verb. The problem is that many people when faced with hard times say things like "I've fallen out of love with them". True love is a choice. It's sacrificial like the love Jesus has for us. 

I can honestly say that our love for one another, our commitment has been tested in many ways and at times I've felt unloved due to his actions and I'm sure in some way he has felt the same and this is why we don't build ourselves up on feelings or each other. Our identity is found in Christ. As much as we love each other, we will never be able to fill the hole that is within us that longs to be loved and accepted simply because only God can fill that spot. 

Marriage can be beautiful but it is not a fairy tale. It reminds me of a beautiful mosaic window. Little intricut pieces of broken glass put together to create a thing of beauty and with Gods healing hands, marriages like my own that have been bent, stretched and broken can be put back together only this time in Gods ordained order creating that beautiful mosaic window. 

Anyway, my husband is my life partner and there is still so much to thank God for in the midst of pain and today I celebrate along side my husband enjoying the calmness of the ocean on our very special day! 

Happy 6th Anniversary to such an incredible God fearing man. Thank you for allowing me to share many experiences with you. Thank you for loving me when I've been unloveable. Thank you for going the distance to become the man God intended you to be. Thank you for loving God and loving me! I love you handsome. 

God Bless,

A Joyful Heart

Turning The Tables

The past few days had been extremely rough. Just a week ago I was feeling the sense of being healed and that God had truly turned this thing around. I can tell you that restoration and healing is still in Gods plan but I was caught up in a spiritual battle but at the time I was unaware of it. My husband and I were fighting and things weren't looking good. The "D" word was being thrown around and I believed it was over for us. For two days we weren't talking besides the little amounts we had too. In a very short space of time I had this sense that Holy Spirit was saying to me "Go and reconnect with your husband". I was yelling out, "No, I can't go through this pain anymore. Unless you take away my memory, I'm not doing it. I've been doing it long enough". As you can imagine, God had his own plans and I fought him every step of the way. The struggles my husband and I are going through are like a tsunami and satan doesn't want God to have the victory because the previous 2.5 weeks were absolutely amazing. A true vision of healing. Anyway, it didn't take me long to figure out I was caught up in a spiritual battle that is beyond me. I could hear the words ringing in my ear "Be Still". Satan had tried and somewhat succeeded with filling my head with things like "You deserve a better life than this one. You can have a husband that won't hurt you". (These were all lies from satan. I do deserve to be happy but not separated from my amazing, faithful husband). For those who know me, I'm a fighter and I generally don't allow satan's words to resonate within me but this was like a bomb had exploded and I didn't know which way was up. 

Anyway, I seeked help through friends that were amazing in prayer. Their words that just seemed to be downloaded straight from God himself truly helped settle my soul. I seeked Biblical counsel from a wise woman whose words just seemed to fill me up. After seeing her, I came home and my inner being was seeking out my husband. I could tell that there was no running from this one. He and I are meant to be together and God has his hand over us. Even if I tried to run, I would always end up back in the arms of my beloved. When God has a plan for your life, you can try to fight it but like myself, he will drag you back to his path kicking and screaming if necessary. I can say that today, my husband and I are back in each others arms and ready to continue to rely on God for his healing within our lives. He has a plan for our marriage and our lives, there's no escaping it. 

During this time of struggle, God met one of the many visions he provided me with. For the past 4 months, God had "World Vision" (Yes, the company) ringing in my ears and deep on my heart. Previously, World Vision put out 3 jobs some months back and I applied for them, staying faithful to God's visions and I was denied every step of the way. I was confused but I chose to stay faithful to his promises and not let the rejection get me down too much. Anyway, 2 weeks ago another casual position came up through World Vision, so I stepped out again in faith and applied. In the midst of this recent crisis, I received an email from World Vision whom have invited me for an interview June 4th. Can you believe it!?! God is so faithful to his promises!! He just knew that the timing was absolutely necessary. Thank You Jesus for loving me and my husband so very much and always coming through. I cannot believe how many promises that have come to light and yet my faith still waivers at times of spiritual attack. Forgive me father, I really am like a young child needing your guidance and direction every step of the way. I'm so thankful that you never give up on us. I love you so much!

Today is another day and I'm ready for the battles ahead. I'm still struggling and God knows what it is I need so I will wait as patiently as I can and watch him move mountains for me. 

God Bless You All!

All in God's timing.