He Is Risen

Thank you Jesus for all that you have done for me.

Thank you Jesus for restoring what the locust had eaten from my marriage.

Thank you Jesus that I am a new creation and so is my husband.

Thank you Jesus that you restored me back to The Father.

Thank you Jesus for your many blessings that you have and will pour out on my life.

Thank you Jesus!

Acknowledging Jesus on my birthday

I am only able to celebrate my life because of the price Jesus paid for me and my sins around this time of year, 2016 years ago. All though I celebrate my earthly birth today, I was born into sin but Jesus set me free from all of that through his acts of selfless love when he was beaten, marred beyond recognition, crucified and then beat sickness, sin and death when he rose again. I've been made a new creation. I've been sanctified through His acts of love. I am no longer the old me, and my true birthday is more like June 2007 when I chose to give my life to the one true God, my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Thank you Jesus for paying the ultimate punishment for my iniquities and removing the debt that was hanging over my head. That is the best birthday present anyone could ever receive! I love you Lord!

So blessed!

Restoration

Praise God for restoration in our marriage!

The devil had come in recently and stirred the pot in our relationship, whispering his rubbish in our ears and sadly I believed him. I allowed his voice to echo some of the past hurts and bring it all rushing back to the surface. After calming down and spending some deep, quality time with my Heavenly Father in prayer and then talking to my husband I was able to process and find out what really was happening with him and temptation. He explained that he had not looked at porn, he had not been looking at pictures or anything however, it was a post in our newsfeed that mentioned something like "200 pound woman loses weight, see her now" and usually that wouldn't have even made him think to go and have a look. Well, this time he did but Holy Spirit spoke very clearly to him and he was able to catch it before it became anything. It's not that he's caught up in sin but he's noticed the need to not get complacent with the battle. Thank you Jesus for the clarification and removing the scales that were temporarily over my eyes.

Also, beyond that both of us have been sick with the flu and so the enemy has just been trying to attack us from every which away. Well, devil and your demons BACK OFF IN JESUS NAME, you have no right and no authority over our lives because WE are children of God.

The one thing that was amazing through this journey is that it led me to be more deliberate in praying over our marriage and my husband regularly. I had become complacent in this area. It wasn't a regular occurrence anymore as the years had gone by and the healing took place. So, I'm actually thankful for this little slip up as it keeps us on our toes, reminding us to never get too comfortable.

It also brought to the surface some of my own personal struggles around self image and my identity being firmly grounded in Jesus so that's my area of focus that The Lord continues to help me in this area.

I love my husband and he loves me. I know that I know that I know, that he has Jesus front and centre in his life. Thank you Jesus!

Signing Off,

No longer a slave to sin!

WRAP Week

White Ribbon Against Porn Week

October 25th - 31st 

"WHAT IS W.R.A.P. WEEK?

The National White Ribbon Against Pornography (WRAP) Week brings together hundreds of national, state and local groups, along with driven concerned citizens in a massive effort to educate the public on the harms from pornography and the many resources available to aid those affected. National WRAP Week always starts the last Sunday of October.

We are excited to take part in our 1st annual W.R.A.P. Week and even more excited to have you join us!

During WRAP Week we will choose a campaign to launch. An online initiative, if you will. This year we have decided to initiate the#IHATEPORN campaign. Will you join us?

Why this campaign? Well, we HATE porn! Romans 12:9 tells us to, hate what is evil and cling to what is good.

WE HATE WHAT PORN DOES TO THE USER

You become addicted to having a variety of sexual “partners.” This is not an addiction that works out very well in marriage—if you ever even get to that point. The sad fact is, some single people reading this would not still be single if not for porn. And most divorces (56%) involve one spouse having “excessive” porn use. Porn is killing your marriage before you even have a spouse.

You lose confidence. Pornography use is a coping mechanism for some underlying pain or insecurity. Besides not dealing with those issues, pornography gives you more things to be insecure about, and can often evolve into self-loathing and depression.

You become desensitized. To everything: good things do not bring you as much joy; terrible things do not seem as bad. Beautiful people around you cease to be beautiful, because you are used to unnatural bodies on a screen.

You become a monster. Eventually. As you become desensitized to porn itself, you need more extreme examples of it to get the same “fix.” So what’s more extreme? Incest. Bestiality. Rape. 90% of all porn scenes contain acts of physical or verbal aggression, and experiments have shown that porn use leads to a less positive view of women and a less negative view of rape.

WE HATE THE WAY PORN HURTS OTHERS

Pornography use hurts those you care about most, including yourself and your future or current spouse. But it hurts those in the industry even worse.

The great lie of pornographic movies is that the actors involved are really enjoying it. They are actors, acting out scenes in a fictional movie. But this type of movie has no stunt doubles, and the script includes humiliating, painful, and even abusive acts done in front of a film crew and replayed to a mass audience.

Here’s what is real:

Pornographic film actors/actresses are 10 times more likely to contract STDs.

Thanks to disease, drug use, suicide, and murder, it is reported that the average life expectancy of a pornographic performer is only 37.4 years.

Pornography contributes to sex trafficking. Fact.

By watching it, you help create the demand that keeps the industry going.

WE HATE WHAT PORN DOES TO OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS

You cannot be intimate with Jesus at the same time you are doing something that caused Him to suffer and die. Your own mind won’t allow it.

Even Jesus felt separated from God when He took on our sins on the cross.

If you can look at pornography and find that because of it your relationship with God is improved—that you feel closer to God, and everything is right between you and the Creator of all good things—then go ahead and do it. But if you can’t, don’t.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do…What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! – Romans 7:15 & 24-25

HOW CAN YOU PARTICIPATE IN OUR WRAP WEEK'S #IHATEPORN CAMPAIGN?

You can participate by:

Posting one of our #IHATEPORN graphics as your Facebook, Twitter banner and/or profile pic during WRAP Week.

Share your photos and videos using the hashtag #IHATEPORN and #GOPWRAPWEEK on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Purchasing a God Over Porn or #IHATEPORN merch, or you can donate $5 towards our ministry to help us continue in our efforts to spread the dangers of pornography.

BE SURE NOT TO MISS SOME GIVE-AWAYS THROUGHOUT THE WEEK AND OUR LIVE PERISCOPE BROADCAST WITH OUR FOUNDER JARRAD MILLER ON SATURDAY, OCTOBER 31ST AT 6:00 P.M. (CST) [PERISCOPE: @GODOVERPORN]

- See more at: http://www.godoverporn.org/upcoming-events"

This is my husband's hashtag for WRAP week. 

Get yourselves informed about the dangers of messing with pornography and the harm it has not only on the user, their families, their relationship with God and also the "pornstars". 

Signing Off,

Wife of an ex porn user!

#SavedByAmazingGrace

When To Walk Away

The question on my heart today is not related to my marriage but is about toxic relationships/friendships and when is it okay to walk away as Christians.......

I have always assumed as a Christian that we are to continue to turn the other cheek even if a non-believing person continues to bring toxicity into our lives. I thought we were meant to basically continue to take the beating in hopes that they will come to Christ one day and see the error of their ways. However, I've been doing some searching of the bible to understand how to deal with certain people in my life who are causing division and mock my God and yet continue to have expectations of me as that of a loving friend or family member....

After reading scriptures to understand my role in this scenario I've come to the conclusion that if they continue to choose the worldly ways and turn their backs on God even after being shown truth and they are not repentant for their behaviour then I have Gods grace to walk away.

This is not to say that we should walk away from every tough relationship because clearly there are people who are truly sorry for their behaviour and see the errors of their ways. God forgives those who repent and accept Jesus into their hearts but ultimately we have free will to either choose him and be under his grace or choose the devil and be under condemnation.

I acknowledge that we all mess up at times and don't always get things right so this is not about those kind of scenarios. This is about those who consistently choose evil, are boastful, proud, abusive and will cause others harm without a second thought and yet when you mess up they throw every error in your face.

We as Christians are called to forgive because God first forgave us. We are not to judge the sinner because we too were like them. The aim is to be reconciled to everyone but if reconciliation is not possible then it's okay to surrender the relationship/friendship to Jesus in prayer and walk away. My hopes is that these people will come to know The Lord at some point in their lives and clearly I'm not the right person to bring them to Christ but my hopes are that the seed has been planted and someone else will do the watering in their lives. I truly forgive them and I am also sorry for the wrongs I've played however, today is a day to release them to God. I will continue to uphold them in prayer but it's time to minimize the madness!

"People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people".…..2 Timothy 3:2-5"

"Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm".…Proverbs 13:20

"Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended".…Proverbs 22:10

"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared".….Proverbs 22:24-25

"Do not speak to fools, for they will scorn your prudent words".…Proverbs 23:9

May God bless you as you navigate through the trials and figure out through Christ which is the best direction for you to go in... Feel free to visit this website that has helped me to come to my conclusions along with the word of God and The Holy Spirit who dwells within. http://www.luke173ministries.org/466828

Signing Off,

Freedom from the abuser, even if they are family!

Overcoming Fear

Hi blogger-sphere!!!

Recently my husband and I returned back to our old hometown (Adelaide) where there are many happy and sad memories that we created together. It has been 2 years since we had been there as we were on a healing journey from the adultery that took place in our marriage in that particular state. For a long time I could never see myself returning there and had a strong distaste for the state I was born in due to the sin that took place there BUT today I come with amazing news!! 

Between the 5th of July 2015 and the 12th of July 2015 we went back to face our demons whilst overcoming fear and the strongholds that place held. WOW God is so so good!! I mean I hated that place with a passion and the people that were involved in the adultery that live there also. All I can say is that I faced it head on and through the power of The Holy Spirit I no longer hold anger, hurt and bitterness towards the place and the people. Praise God!! As I walked around my old stomping ground I truly experienced freedom and saw that it's just a place. The place isn't to blame, it's sin that caused my hurts. I tell you what, it was amazing to spend time with family and friends and be reunited with our loved ones. All though we don't see that place as home anymore, it will always hold fond memories. The sin covered memories are dead and buried on the cross and the people involved are strangers to us now but also they are children of God. Simple. I'm no longer tied down to the past, I have been freed by Gods grace, kindness and mercy. We truly enjoyed ourselves there. All though, the weather was freezing and not something we are use to anymore since we've been living in the NT. We were glad to overcome that hurdle and no longer be hindered by past events that clearly should have never happened and were a plan of satan himself. God didn't want these events to happen but he sure as heck used them to bring us closer to him. 

I want you all to know that there is hope and healing beyond the affects of adultery in your marriage. You can live beyond it. You don't have to be a victim forever, you can be a true survivor who no longer wears the wounds because Jesus can and will heal them completely so long as you surrender it all to him and choose to follow him. 

The 15th of September 2012 was the day my husband confessed the adultery and his brokenness and I thought this day would be an ugly reminder for the rest of my life of what nearly destroyed our marriage but I have to say, it's now the day of my husbands freedom!! It's the day that God freed him from sin and the day I got to see the real man that he is. 

You see, I knew way before this date that something wasn't right in fact years before as The Holy Spirit set my alarm bells off many times but until September 2012, it was a very heavy burden that my husband was carrying by himself. What he didn't realise is that Jesus was there when those sins took place. Jesus mourned for my husband and the affects his choices were having on himself, his family and the others involved. God wept as he saw his lost son (my husband) committing such grievous sins against God, himself and I and he couldn't leave him in it forever so bit by bit God chipped away at the wall my husband had around his heart and the scales on his eyes until one day, he just couldn't take it anymore and he hit rock bottom. The day he hit rock bottom was the day he found true freedom. THANK YOU JESUS!! I thank you my Lord that you loved my husband and I so much that you couldn't leave us in sin and that you have walked by our side through this whole journey whilst renewing our hearts and minds. I love you my Lord Jesus, we love you!!

Freedom feels amazing and to know that my heart and soul has been made right with God brings me such peace and joy. I pray you too get to experience the kind of freedom I'm experiencing today. Love conquers ALL!

Until next time, 

Miracles Do Happen!!

A Fresh Start

Today marks the end the the book of my old life and I'm so glad this is so. You see most people experience the end of a chapter but continue on in the same book but for us God completely threw out the old book, covered it with Jesus blood and gave us a new one to start a fresh in. So not only does today mark the end of an old book but it also marks the beginning of a new one.... 

My husband and I have a brand new book to write a new story for our lives in. Our marriage has been blessed by Jesus himself and I sense that He is moving in our marriage and our lives together and individually very quickly. I sense that we will see HUGE changes very shortly and that God is going to take us all over the world helping the lost and sharing our testimony. I believe our lives and our marriage is going to be fruitful and start blossoming like a tree coming out in Spring. 

Jesus, let the story be a good one and I'll continue to keep you first in my life and in my marriage! Please bless my dearly beloved husband in abundance and keep his eyes and heart set on you all the days of his life. Continue to strengthen him and show him his worth in you. I'm so blessed that both my husband and I have been made new and that my husband is an honourable, faithful and free man who love Jesus. I love you Jesus too!

Thank you for EVERYTHING! You are the best and I cannot wait to see how our lives play out from this day forth. My life is no longer my own, it's yours Jesus and it's truly in your safe hands. I LOVE YOU!

Signing Off,

Fresh Start and New Beginnings 

Blessings From Above

                             (Google Image. Our babies looked similar to these two.)
   

Today I'd like to share with you all a bit about the miracle my husband and I have been waiting for, for almost 7 years now. 

As you may remember my very first post was called "Double the Trouble and Double the Fun!" (feel free to click the link to refresh your memory if needed).  Well, over these past 2.5 years of healing from adultery God has shown me that we will be blessed with twin baby boys that will biologically be ours. In fact he gave me this very image the same night my husband confessed his sins and I left our home for a time because I thought our marriage could not survive such a devastation. As I would cry myself to sleep in my exhaustion I had this vision of my husband lying on the grass at a park, our twin boys were about 2 to 3 years old and they were jumping on top of him wrestling. They were all giggling and having such a good time. Our dog Missy was running around them in circles and it was as if I was standing back watching from a distance and joy filled my heart and then I'd wake up. As I woke up, I'd realise I wasn't at my house and that the adultery wasn't a nightmare and I would yell at God asking him why he would show me this vision when I had left him and by worldly, scientific standards my husband was diagnosed as "infertile". Each and every night I would have this very same dream/vision time and time again until the last night I had a dream/vision of my husband and I being Christian marriage counsellors for other couples who were facing the same devastation and loss as we are and we were together. After I woke up from this vision I felt a deep presence of The Holy Spirit and I felt drawn to my husband like The Holy Spirit was dragging me home so I went home and we've been healing ever since...

Anyway, so within 6 months of our healing journey I felt that The Holy Spirit whispered in my heart that our babies would be conceived in July/August but I didn't know which year. Obviously I thought oh yeah, it'll be next year and I will be healed by then!! Oh I was naive... September 15th 2015 it will be 3 years since my husbands confession and still to date (26th of June 2015) I'm not pregnant but I believe in my heart that I will be very soon. You see along the way I've had amazing men and women of God who have shared visions with me over this very topic. As of most recent a sister in Christ had a vision of me in hospital holding my twins in my arms. About a month later a brother in Christ had a vision of me walking down the road in the community we live in and my stomach was HUGE and the children we look after were by my side. I've also sensed that before Jesus blesses us with our babies that we would need to return home to where it all begun for the final closure and God has made a way for us to return when financially it seemed impossible. There have been many more other signs along the way but I'd have to share even more detail about my life for it to make sense. We even began the IVF process the year before my husband confessed but deep within our spirit we felt God said NO very firmly so we didn't continue.

I know that I know, that I know, that I will be pregnant VERY soon! I full heartedly believe our twin baby blessing is coming soon and that it all lines up with God knowing what sins were being hidden in darkness and he was holding our baby blessing back until we had healed from adultery and until restoration has taken place. I'm so very excited that very soon  that God will be lending us two of his precious children to raise them up in the way of The Lord. I Praise God for his many blessings we are about to receive and that he saved us not only from divorce but also the both of us from the pit of hell. Honestly, if God never did anything more for us we still have been blessed in abundance with an eternal life in Heaven!! Thank you Jesus!! 

Keep an eye out on this space because I will post to let you know our pregnancy news shortly!! Believe it or not, it's coming! 

Signing Off,

Blessed Child of God!!

Surviving Adultery/Infidelity

Hi bloggers, 

Recently you may have noticed that I've been sharing a bit about the adultery that took place in my marriage and the healing my husband and I have had to endure. I wanted to share a link to a very special friend of mine who is another survivor of the devastation of infidelity that hit her marriage. You see, during the time my husband confessed I came across Tonya's blog about the infidelity that attacked her marriage and as broken as I was, it was so helpful to know that I wasn't alone. I felt it was a good time to post a link to her page in case your life has been hit with this tsunami and you don't know where to turn. I want to give you hope that you are not alone and that others have endured this before you including myself.  I personally didn't document like Tonya did but I did blog throughout the process as you will see if you go back to my very first blog in 2013. God wasn't telling me to outwardly share my testimony in a blog like he was with Tonya. The blog was more of a diary for me personally but as of more recent times God has shown me to be more direct with my blogs as I wasn't ready previously to come out and name the sin that had hit my marriage. If you go back over my blogs with knowing the adultery existed you will see my journey play out.

Throughout the bible you will see references to others who have committed adultery and Jesus has freed them and forgiven them from their sins. The other thing I really appreciate about Tonya's blog is that her husband (the one caught up in infidelity) shares a bit from his point of view and overcoming sexual sin through Christ Jesus. 

So, if you are the faithful spouse or the unfaithful spouse it is definitely worth reading through Tonya's blog series on Surviving Infidelity. I believe it will open the eyes of the unfaithful to the pain you have caused and truly show you the depth of hurt that your spouse maybe enduring but also the freedom in Jesus. For the faithful spouse you will spend hours sifting through Tonya's testimony and relating to almost every word. You will find comfort in knowing that you are not alone and you will find healing through Jesus through the many scriptures she provides. 

Follow the series closely and I believe God will bring restoration if it's meant to be, just like he did for my husband and I. 

Know that you are loved whether faithful or unfaithful and that what Jesus endured on the cross was for both of you so that you can live free from this devastation and find true healing.

We have all been unfaithful to God and we all have made mistakes. Jesus went to the cross because none of us are sinless but we can be redeemed and made new if we accept Jesus into our hearts. 

God bless you brothers and sisters, freedom is ahead!

Tonya's blog series: Surviving Infidelity

(Please click on the words "Surviving Infidelity" to go to her site.)

To The Other Women

To the women who played their role in committing adultery with my husband...........

I FORGIVE YOU! I have already forgiven my husband but now it's your turn. I also accept your apologies whether you are sorry or not because Jesus' blood covers ALL sins, yours included. You see the reason I can forgive you all is because Jesus first forgave me for my sins and took them on the cross. Forgiveness freed me from being tide down to you spiritually and emotionally. I will no longer allow you to have power over my life. You have no right to live rent free in my mind, emotionally abusing me with the visions of you with my dearly beloved husband. No longer will I allow the devil to use your sins to harm me and keep me trapped in bondages of insecurities and depression. You may have had a glimpse of my life by trying to make it your own but I now know you never took anything from me because all you got was the superficial front which had no depth to it and with every embrace with my husband you were hurting yourself, your family and your walk with Jesus. I at least know from my husbands point of view there was no depth to the time he spent with you. It was superficial and sin lead. I truly feel sorry for you that you felt that getting involved with a married man was the only way for you to feel a sense of love and wholeness that you weren't getting elsewhere, only to find out that it made you even more empty inside riddled with guilt and shame. 

I want to let you know that you are worth so much more than that. You are NOT a bottom feeder trying to eat up the crumbs of my marriage even though your actions said otherwise. You are a beautiful woman of God. You are created in his very image. God knows how many hairs are on your head and how many tears you have cried. He knows the desires of your heart and the hurts you have had to endure. JESUS LOVES YOU and I LOVE YOU TOO!! You are my sister in Christ who was lost, broken and being used by the devil himself. I pray for you ladies regularly for your salvation and that God heals your broken hearts and the damage done in your own relationships because deep down I know that this is not what you wanted for your life. I know that you didn't just wake up one day and say "I'm going to have an affair or commit adultery with a married man". I truly believe you are a kind hearted person who was hurting and looking for comfort and affection in all the wrong places only to have wound up in the arms of my beloved husband who was also broken. I realise what you were searching out in my husband and him in you couldn't fulfil either of you because only Jesus can fulfil those areas of your heart and God only blesses the marriage covenant not relationships outside of his perfect will. Your time with my husband was setup and arranged by the devil himself. As the bible says;

Ephesians 6:12 - "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

This very verse tells me that you aren't the issue for you were lost in sin with scales over your eyes put their by the enemy which you fell for his deceit. My fight is with the devil himself and honestly, I just need to stand firm and claim Jesus finished work on the cross because the devil himself has already been beaten.

I pray that through this turmoil you have learnt more about yourself and who you are to Jesus. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. I know that you may go through life with a painted smile on your face and to those on the outside you seem to have it all together but on the inside you are dying little bit by little bit and drowning in your own tears. I'm so sorry if this is where you are at or if you have experienced this in the past but know that through the adulterous acts you brought that very feeling into my life also. 

GOD RESTORED WHAT THE LOCUST HAD EATEN!

I can tell you now though that Jesus healed me completely and walked with me side by side through this healing journey. I'M HEALED!! Praise God. I wouldn't trade the closeness with my Heavenly Daddy I've experienced through this whole ordeal so thank you. It only drove me closer to Jesus, not further away. I can hold my head high knowing that I wasn't the unfaithful one in this marriage but we all have been unfaithful to Jesus and I've had to repent in this area also. I have found my true identity through this devastation and found my worth in Jesus. No longer do I feel less prettier than you because of yours and my husbands actions. You see for a while there what you and my husband did, it broke me and the enemy spoke ugly words in my head day in, day out telling me I wasn't pretty enough or worth being faithful too. These were LIES!! I must admit for a while I started to believe it but NOT ANYMORE! I'm free!! I pray you are never on the receiving end of a spouse cheating on you because once it happens only Jesus can breathe life back into a marriage torn apart by the devastations that come with sexual sin but know that it is possible not only to be alive but to thrive as well. I sure am! 

My heart is whole, I'm full of joy that cannot be taken away by life's ups and downs or the actions of others. I'M FREE and I pray you are too. 

Jesus died for you too. Not just the faithful spouse but for the adulterous one also. Jesus died for all sins so that we can be made right with our Heavenly Father so that we have everlasting life in Heaven. 

Have you accepted Jesus into your heart? Do you know what Jesus did for you on the cross? 

I no longer fear you and honestly, I just feel empathy for you now. When I think of you, I wonder whether you have accepted Jesus into your life and if you are walking out that faith in your life to the point where the sins of the past are no longer reoccurring in your life. I hope that the pain I had to endure from yours and my husbands sinful ways at least led you to search out God in your brokenness as it did for us. Know that you are precious to God.

THANK YOU that through this whole experience it has only driven my husband and I closer to one another and we no longer take our marriage covenant for granted. God used this experience to free my husband from sinful bondages that had him tied down to the pit of hell. He is free and is a faithful man to Jesus and to me now. I wouldn't trade that for anything. The old marriage is dead and buried but the new marriage covenant is spotless and beautiful in Jesus. I pray you have this now too.

I'm looking forward to our visit down South soon because I'm free and can face where it all took place. It's time for us to close the book of the past and start a fresh, I hope you have successfully done the same. It's amazing!!! Life is beautiful and so are we. 

Healed, Whole and Loved for eternity!!

Signing Off,

Faithful Servant of God!

Happy New Year 2015

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!

I've decided that this post is going to be about my hopes and dreams for 2015. I've done my reflections, I've made peace with my wrongdoings in 2014 with God, I've forgiven those that hurt me and all though there is some residual stuff being dealt with at the moment that will slip into the new year I'm not going to allow it to dictate my year through the grace of God. 

My hopes and dreams for 2015 are; To have a deeper revelation of the love Jesus has for me. A deeper revelation of my heavenly home and how short and fleeting this life is and that things that happen here are just ultimately there to make me more like Christ. To trust my Lord and Saviour no matter what things he allows to enter in my life and whatever outcomes come from the residual stuff I mentioned above. To communicate better with my husband by being more patient, selfless and loving in my responses. To settle in my new work role and to be able to glorify God and lead children to him. To continue to love those who I once considered enemies. To never bring up the past because it has truly been covered by the blood of Jesus and we have been made as white as snow. If the past comes to mind to just hand it back over to Jesus at the cross and thank him for removing those things from my life. I believe there is going to be a refreshment of my spirit and of my earthly body so that I can endure whatever comes my way in 2015. I believe it's going to be a year of fruitfulness in all areas of my life. I hope for much travel in 2015 because it's something my husband and I love to do. I believe our marriage is going to shine brightly because of what Jesus did, not because anything we did. I sense that 2015 is going to bring our miracle twin baby boys. I'm so excited that this feels like the year of our double blessings that can only come from The Lord. I sense that many doors from the past will be closed once and for all which is going to free us from the weight it has put upon us. I've offered these burdens up to The Lord and I'm so very thankful that they are in his protective, loving hands. I believe many other doors are going to swing wide open with endless opportunities that not only happen in 2015 but I believe will offer endless opportunities throughout the rest of our lives. I believe in those coming years there will be missional opportunities in orphanages within Africa, Pemba Island and Jamaica. I believe in the future we will adopt many children also. I see a bright future ahead but not with out it's bumps in the road but ultimately we will never walk down the same painful past issues either. I believe once God is satisfied and has walked you through a struggle within your life he will not make you go through it again when you've gone about it the right way with God in the centre. I expect many joyful, peaceful moments with many laughs with my husband, family members and the children. I'm hoping for my family members to come to know The Lord, repent and accept him for all the days of their lives from this point forth. I see this miracle unfold after our baby blessings. I believe those who I've forgiven will also come to know The Lord in a personal relationship and be blessed within the future also. I believe Gods hand of protection, correction and blessing is over myself, my husband and our children. 

I believe 2015 is the year of fulfilment, refreshment and things coming to light. I cannot wait to see what God does this year. Keep close and keep an eye on this blog section because God is always willing and ready when we have faith to believe in the earthly impossibles.

God Bless you all,

A Fruitful Year Ahead.

Reflecting on 2014

Hi bloggersphere, 

So, today I've spent my day in prayer talking to Jesus about this years various events and in reflection of the season he has been taking myself through individually and also within my marriage. By doing so I've come to see the areas where I truly needed Jesus. I realised some of the errors of my ways which lead to true repentance and forgiveness. I hurt people that hurt me. I tried so hard to not and do the right thing but instead I allowed anger and bitterness to fester and I allowed the devil to use me in his schemes. I shake my head in shame but at the same time I truly know I am free from those wrongs as Jesus washed them all away, past, present and future sins have all been wiped away. I'm spotless because of Jesus paying the ultimate price. Beyond taking the time to acknowledge my own wrong doings I've also spent time releasing those who have wronged me. I have been in this traumatic season for 2.5 years now and just prior to Christmas, Holy Spirit truly spoke to my heart and told me to reach out to those who had harmed me, forgive them and put out my hand of friendship towards them. This was one of the hardest things I had to do because I also hurt one of the people who hurt me as a reaction to their actions. It was sinful and wrong but I had to own that as well. It's interesting when Jesus calls you to become friends with your enemies because it truly strips away any pride you had. I needed that. Pride is a sneaky thing. It comes in without you even noticing it and takes root. I'm so thankful to Jesus for taking me through this process to up root that evil pride. 

I've also learnt this year that the enemies main plans in this life is to steal, kill and destroy. I'm not saying that I hadn't heard that before but I truly didn't understand the depths of it. Now I do. The enemy is trying to destroy relationships and in many cases he's been successful. I'm so thankful that the scales have been removed from mine and my husbands eyes in this area. We realise that when our communication heads towards a place we never intended it to go that the enemy is working his evil schemes in the midst of it and that it's important for us to stop, breathe and pray it out by acknowledging Jesus and thanking him for the new life he has given us. I admit, it's not always that easy because emotionally we can get caught up in the moment but we do try to stop and realise what is going on and bring restoration through the finished work on the cross.

We also had a wonderful overseas trip to America to see my husbands family which truly came at a much needed time where we both felt so defeated in our marriage from the past struggles. It was amazing to have family members near who could speak life into us individually and together. Their love, prayers and words of wisdom brought life back into our marriage and I will forever be thankful for this. Those 5 weeks abroad were so amazing and transformational. 

This year there has been changes in where we reside. We have been remote living since 2013 and we were situated in Wadeye, Port Keats a remote indigenous community. I was working in a creche and my husband was working at JobFind. Just short of a year we felt that God was closing this specific door in our lives but we were unsure where that meant we would end up in the long run. We prayed fervently into it and my husband quit his job and 3 weeks later I did the same. A school had contacted us in regards to a houseparent position in another community and before we knew we had the job we both had quit our jobs and just took a leap of faith trusting in God to catch us. Boy did he catch us!! It was about a day or two before we had to move house because someone else was going to be occupying the house my old work provided and then we got the phone call we were trusting in God for. We got the job!! WOW, God is so amazing. He's so trustworthy. So off we went on a new adventure trusting in God to provide all the way. We started the job a few weeks later and moved into our new home. Before we knew it we had 12 teenage girls in our care!! 12.... Yes, I said it, 12! I know what you're thinking... Boy you are CRAZY!?! Yes, I thought, Oh Lord, really 12? Are you sure? Well, he was definitely sure but the weeks ahead we weren't prepared for. The enemy was running riot through our house on a spiritual level causing behavioural issues you probably wouldn't imagine. By the second term my cup felt almost empty like I was hanging on by a thread. Through this though, I learnt to trust God in everything we do. He showed me areas where I needed growth and used this situation we found ourselves in to rub off the rough edges within me. It's funny when you think God leads you some where so you can be a witness to people and lead them to Jesus which was happening also but majority of the past two terms were truly for me and my character building. We finished the last term off with an enjoyable time with our many girls. I took the girls on a shopping spree where they were able to pick out modest dresses, shoes, jewellery and even a little makeup. They all got dressed up for the end of year dinner outing at a nice restaurant and I have to say they all just looked absolutely beautiful!! 

There have been many lows and a few highs this year which I sense is the residual stuff left over from the season of breaking us down and building us back up again. 2012 to 2014 has been some hard years but one long season. You see, a season in our life doesn't necessarily mean a standard 3-4 month season like the weather. It's been difficult. It's been heart breaking and heart restoring. It's been confronting, full of fear, uncertainty and just down right scary at times but God has brought us through it all. 

There's one moment that sticks in my mind so vividly from recent times with our girls within our new position. One of my girls was reading a bible story at the table and I went and sat next to her and as I showed up it just so happens she finished what she was reading and began the next book of the bible. The story was about Rebekah and Isaac. Now, if you don't know their story you can visit the link provided. http://www.essex1.com/pages/paul/bible23.html You will see in this link that Rebekah was barren and unable to have Isaac's children. After a long time of many tears and prayers from Rebekah her husband Isaac decided to pray fervently on her behalf because he knew how much having children meant to her and after him praying to God she became pregnant and had twin baby boys. Yes, miracles do happen with God. After my girl read this, I looked at her and said do you remember what God promised me and your uncle? She said Yes, aunty. God promised you and uncle twin baby boys just like Rebekah in the story. I said, that's right he sure did. I told her I believe God wanted this moment to happen and you to read me this story to remind me to hold on to Gods promise. She smiled and it was such a beautiful moment. It didn't end there because I went to bed later on and listened to a random preacher on a sermon called Broken Families. Here I was expecting it to be about marriages which my marriage had been struggling with all the high demands of the job, the stress of the past etc and the sermon ended up being Rebekah's story!! WOW!! God is amazing isn't he. It's amazing how he chooses to talk to us. 

I had many encounters with God this year. Many visions, words spoken over me and my hip was healed by The Holy Spirit. I couldn't walk at all and a man of God and his family all laid hands on me and I felt The Holy Spirit enter in my body, the warmth radiating from my head where this man had his hand and the healing took place. I felt my leg grow and I got up and I was able to run!! I was able to run!! It was soooooooo crazy!! God is so amazing. Thank you Jesus. By his stripes I am HEALED. I could go on and on about the many interactions I had with Jesus but honestly, I've already written a book. Those interactions have kept me going because walking through the things I've had to overcome has been exhausting. I'm so thankful that Jesus never left my side once and was always walking with me, holding me up and providing me with much rest. It has been a year of exhaustion and rest to follow up with after the exhaustion. 

Looking forward to 2015 and the change of season ahead.

God Bless, 

Daughter of the most high.

Healed, At least I thought I was....

November 2014 

My husband and I have been up and down emotionally like a Yo-Yo these past couple of years due to the adultery and infertility devastations. We have days and weeks where things are great and then an image, nightmare or reminder would come into my head like it flew in there and I'd rebuke the devil and claim the victory of healing but the image would manifest into something uglier and I'd fall for the devils nasty tricks over and over. I could see it so clearly when my mind was right but then in the midst of it, it was like I didn't know which way was up or down. Not only were we struggling with the past and my husband struggling with the guilt and shame but we are also missionaries too remember!?! Living to serve God's children... We are houseparents to between 9-12 teenage girls that were going through their very own spiritual battles so we had a lot on our shoulders to say the least.

My husband and I were struggling to keep our heads above water. There was a further break down in communication which we now realise is the devils ultimate plan. Ultimately he is just trying to kill, steal and destroy. Breaking down relationships is his fortay and he has been doing it for a mighty long time. As soon as someone pointed this out to us we were more equipped to realise it and repent, forgive and give glory to God which would make the devil flee. 

Anyway, things got so bad we just couldn't take it anymore and decided that we are surrounded by Christians and it was time to lean not only on Christ and each other but our brothers and sisters in Christ as well. So, we went to a friend of ours house and they prayed for us. These guys are so revved up for Jesus, have the gift of healing and the Holy Spirit gives them images and words to speak into peoples lives. These guys are such a blessing to us. Anyway, we went to their house and our brother in Christ reminded my husband that he is spotless now through the finished work on the cross. He is and we are children of God. Sons and daughters of the most high. My husband had been beaten over the head so much by the devil, by seeing me in pain that he dropped his identity and accepted the devils thoughts as his own and so had I. It was this reminder that put him back into perspective and set him free from that bondage again. AMEN! Our brother "Tee" said to my husband "M" that sin is like a bucket of paint, sometimes it get's spilt or we spill it all over the white walls (life) and through Christ overcoming death and sin on the cross he has cleaned it all up. That really hit home for me. Then as I was praying I got an image of white walls and me kicking the bucket over to make it spill on the walls. As if I was searching hard to see whether there was anymore sin left in my husbands life. Then "Cee" our brother's wife said to me that she had this image of me searching frantically in the corners of this white walled room high and low for the stains and on the walls but there were no stains on my husband because it's been dealt with but the paint was on my clothes,  I was wearing his sins but it wasn't touching my skin because I'm also free from sin through Christ. "Cee's" interpretation was that I'm looking every where in my husbands life to see if theirs still areas of sin that he's carrying around of hiding from me because I don't trust him but that he is free and is no longer that man that once hurt me deeply. He has been made new and righteous and he is a faithful, honourable man of God and that I don't need to look or search anymore but that I have to take off those old clothes, meaning I had to take off that old condemnation, sin nature, burden, hurt and put on my white clean robe that Jesus gave to me freely on the cross. When she told me this I knew this was right and I started bawling like a baby. It hit home because I had been so sin conscious that I would search high and low to see if my husband was just "pretending" to be healed but I never found anything. In the past 2.5 years I have not been able to find a single thing out of place in my husbands life. Not one thing. Whereas before, I didn't need to search very far to find the ugliness. It's amazing and yet scary all at once. I told "Cee" the vision I had and I was so amazed and what God had just showed us. From that point on for about 3 or 4 weeks I was completely and utterly free from the devils sneaky ways and I felt 100% healed once and for all. 

It was the most amazing experience. I went home and repented for the hatred that was festering inside of me towards the other women, I made a visual declaration to Jesus and took off the spotted clothes and through them in a visual fire and accepted my white robe from Jesus. I basked in the beauty of freedom. I praised and worshipped Jesus in the morning when I woke up I'd praise him, thank him and declare that I was healed and free and spotless at night I'd do the same. It was soooo beautiful. 

3 or 4 weeks later..... 

There were random thoughts going through my head which at first I knew weren't mine so it was quite easy to recognise it was the enemy and I just declared I was healed and praised Jesus but then there were some other thoughts of us running into the other women at a shopping centre and I first thought hey, that would be a good opportunity to show forgiveness and grace but then it morphed into myself being full of anxiety and fear... There it was!! The devil had me again... I was truly a mess, deep in the pain and destruction of it all, all over again. It was a very wrestles night and I woke up the next day drained, tired and a sense of hopelessness fell upon me. You see after this much time you start to question whether you will ever be free. It truly brings you down but I'm aware that it's the enemies schemes to try to keep me away from my breakthrough.

 A few days later.......

I woke up and Jesus freed me from the devil and he fleed. Jesus restored my hope and my fight to continue. AMEN!

Work and Life balance

Hi everyone, firstly I need to apologise for not posting any blogs since January of this year. *shakes head at self. I have seriously let this thing slide and I do regret it but with life being as busy as it is and my poor prioritising skills this is what happens so please for give me.

On the topic of work, late last year my husband and I moved to a remote community within Australia to help others and also re find ourselves after such a horrific year previously. We have had many highs and lows a long the way but ultimately we love living remote. The one thing we are struggling with most is not having a church home to go to as the only church here is a Catholic Church and most of you are aware we are more Pentecostal. Anyway, not having that family to lean on has been a challenge especially during the growing pains period in our marriage with the season of healing and God restoring what the locusts had eaten. Beyond that I'm struggling within my position due to my boss who I won't blast on the internet but ultimately we are not here for the same reasons and our personalities truly clash beyond words. Me personally my main reasons for being here is; healing, following the direction god had given me and to truly help the less fortunate and through Christ prayerfully help others in the process. For her however, I believe her reasoning is something a long the lines of walking up the corporate ladder and making herself look and feel good in the process.... Ultimately I believe this is what causes a lot of our problems because I don't care about what others higher than me think as a whole, I mainly care about the families, children and community. My aim is to help them and to be like Christ to them because I maybe the only glimpse they see. Of course it's nice to get recognition for the effort you've put in but at the end of the day I work for God beyond all these smaller bosses. He is the one I aim to please in a sense. I can fall into the traps of trying to please management but that is not who I am and never have been that kind of person. Sadly, I believe that is the kind of company I work for as well. Too many chiefs and not enough Indians is a good saying that comes to mind.

I do have to recognise the areas within myself that I can work on because I cannot change how others act and feel so I truly do need Gods help with helping me to identify the areas I need change and grow in. I believe that some people are put in our lives to bend us, frustrate us, anger us, love us, agree with us and hurt us to test us and shape us into the people we are meant to be.

I'm sadly at the point though with this position that I'm almost ready to walk away. I have realised also that child care is not for me no matter in what context. I love the children and I love the families I just think that at this point in my life I would be better suited to making program's for others to implement. I truly feel that a community service provider position would be better suited whether it is helping young mums or helping create program's for underprivileged children to help them excel in life. Either way, child care is not the answer. I also want to find a job that I can openly talk about Jesus with the children and share the gospel with them in a kid friendly kind of way. The thing that gets me is that I'm currently living in a community that was built on an old catholic mission and Catholicism is still very evident today. A lot of the people are still very lost, don't know their identity is in Christ but are definitely holding on to the idea of a saviour and yet I'm not allowed to talk about Jesus to the children within the centre even though the local people here want it to be included, it baffles me.

I want to stay in this community as does my husband but I truly need God in this situation because this is not how I feel it is meant to be. I need his hand over this situation but more so I require his hand of healing and protection over this entire community. I have a deep passion to see these people freed from the torments of sin and walking in faith knowing that Jesus died on the cross so they can and will be free if they just surrender and follow Christ all the days of their life. I want the opportunity to share the good news with them. I have built some really close relationships with some local families and I just want to continue being the light for Jesus in their lives. I'd love for God to sweep in and remove me from this position but put me in one that I can truly be the hands that Jesus uses to heal and help these beautiful people.

Anyway, my issue here is that I obviously bring my work struggles home and unload on my husband who is also having issues of his own at work and because our housing is tied into my job and housing is hard to come by out here I feel quite pressured to stay in this job. We also have two dogs which adds to the struggles of getting other housing. At this point I don't see another job available that I truly desire so I'm just praying God steps in and does what is best for his plan which ultimately will be good for me too.

Please pray for us as we continue to fight the good fight on the front line against the enemy. We know that the closer we get to gods plan the harder and heavier the enemy will attack however, the fight has already been won on the cross by Jesus. Sometimes I can lose sight of that and need a friendly reminder.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Signing off,


Freedom fighter!

Freedom to start over

The past few weeks had been quite a struggle for me up until about 4 days ago. I kept asking God "when will this suffering end? I cannot keep going on like this. It's too much. I poured out my heart and let God know that I know that he loves me and has a plan to prosper me however, I don't think I can hold on much longer. After many sleepless, teary eyed nights I woke up one morning and a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Thank you Jesus!!! 

I've realised today that I have the freedom to start over in my marriage because Jesus paid the ultimate price for me and when he said "it is finished" he meant it is finished. I no longer need to feel the depths of pain caused by sin. I no longer have to see myself as a victim because I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor and I'm a child of God who has the exact same Holy Spirit dwelling in me as Jesus had within him many many years ago. I no longer want to or need to be tied down by past hurts because I can let go of them and let God so that is what I'm going to do. Today I take a stand and through the strength, guidance and wisdom of my Heavenly Father I will be free to love and trust my husband again because I can trust that God has healed him from the inside out. I choose to trust God with my life even when it seems hopeless. I can guarantee that I will not do it perfectly but I will do my best and I know that, that is enough for my Heavenly Father because he will do the rest. Life is a funny thing you know and until you go through something seriously life altering you do not realise how much you were taking for granted. It's as if through our trials we gain wisdom, freedom, identity when we choose to lean into The Lord and we gain a new perspective on the way we were once living. The storm my marriage endured was excruciating and I would never want to re live it or wish it upon anyone else but sadly we will all endure something in our lives that stretches us. It's just a matter of how we cope with those moments when they come. If I could give you any advice at all, do not run from your storm, lean into it, go through it. Experience every emotion that comes with it. Process it and lean in towards Jesus. When you are ready you can then let go but know that God is in control. Know that you will never be the same you as you left behind before the storm but you can be a better version of yourself if you put in the time, patience and endurance. 

May God watch over every single on of you and help you on this journey to be more like Christ. 

God Bless, 

Freedom comes with forgiveness