Who Am I?

Co Campbell - Conquerer

Today I've decided to sit down and ask myself the hard questions I've never had to confront before such as; who am I? What are my hopes and dreams for the future? With life's losses, how will I move forward to the best life I can have? What are my goals and aspirations? 

The previous post was about being a "Godly wife in an UnGodly world" which is the cause of today's post. With insecurities and fears flooding my world I've lost perspective of who I am. When my marriage life was fine or at least not as drained as it is now I was full of love, life and laughter. I was confident and I enjoyed what life had to offer however, since the tsunami hit my marriage front I've been tossed around in the waves. I've lost perspective, I've lost my confidence, I've lost my love for life and all it has to offer. It's as if the tsunami swept in and stole my joy, stole my confidence and it seems it stole my hope for the future. Who am I? And where did I go? 

I understand as a Christian I should be able to confront life's issues with "hope" insight and that my life shouldn't look similar to the non believer because of God's amazing grace. However, some of life's tsunamis can truly knock us off our feet to the point where we lose perspective. I've been knocked down but I will not stay down. You see that's the difference, non believers may not dust themselves off and get back up because honestly what do they have left to get back up for? When you are facing lifes trials as a believer you have strength that goes far beyond yourself, you become resilient through Christ who gives you strength. 

So, who am I? Well, I'm a believer. I'm a precious child of God. I am his princess. I am his image bearer. I am a Saint. I am forgiven. I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I am accepted. I am gracious. I am loved. I am a wife, daughter and sister. I am a friend to many.  I'm learning that I'm valued and valuable to God. I'm learning that I have many emotions but they are not who I am. They are expressions that can be controlled. I am ME!

I'm adjusting to my new not so "fairytale" life. I'm learning to accept that people don't always live up to our expectations and that's okay because we are all human and we all stumble and fall at times.

What are my hopes and dreams for my new life? My hopes and dreams are that through this life altering experience I come out in a much closer relationship with my Heavenly Daddy and my husband in a bond that cannot be broken. I hope that I will be able to stand firm in my identity in Christ no matter what life throws at me as I will not be easily pushed or shoved in any direction. I hope to be full of joy, love and compassion for others and myself. 

How will I move forward? Well, one small step or crawl at a time keeping my eyes set on Jesus. If I get knocked down, I will get back up again. I will have this victory in Jesus name. I am not a victim, I am a survivor. 

What are my goals and aspirations? To live out the best and most fulfilling life I can that glorifies my God. I want the marriage I have always desired and I will not take anything less because Jesus knows the desires of my heart and the suffering I've had to endure and he knows what's best for me. I want my children that has been promised. I will not let those who've hurt me steal the desires of my heart.

This morning I woke to anxiety, fear and insecurities about going out into this big bad world and being afraid that everything I've ever worked hard for was destroyed by others sinful choices but then it hit me. I haven't lost anything. In fact, those people who were trying to steal my joy are "bottom feeders". 

"Bottom feeders will always try and eat up all the crumbs of your lunch. They may get a nibble or two but they will never have access to the whole buffet."

What I mean by this is that people may try to take things from you that are rightfully yours and they may sneak their way in a little but they can never have it all because it belongs to you. Like my marriage, it has been ordained by God and people and/or the enemy may want to destroy it or take from it and they may successfully get in through a small crack but they will not be able to destroy it simply because it's in Gods hands and now built on a firm foundation. I think the important thing I need to remember is that a person willing to take the crumbs obviously has a low self worth or Christ worth and really needs my compassion and grace. I can show grace because I've been shown grace. I will stand united with my husband on the front line looking up to God for direction and we will survive this fall. 

So who am I? Well, I'm a woman growing in leaps and bounds who still has fears but will not let them rule over me through Christ who gives me strength.

God Bless You!



Finding my way back to ME!

Blessings come from our sufferings...

As I was listening to the song "Blessings" by Evin Amiri, Ft Onitsha the lyrics ran deep inside of me and resonated in my heart. Tears began to well up in my eyes and the tears began to roll down my face. See lyrics below:

"We pray for blessing, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep.

We pray for healing, prosperity.

We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering.

All the while, you hear each spoken need, your love is way too much to give us lesser things.

Cos what if your blessings come through raindrops,

What if your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know you're near.

What if trials of this life are you mercies in disguise.

We pray for wisdom, your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we cannot feel you near.

We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love.

As if every promise from your word is not enough.

And though, the while you hear each desparate plea,

And long that we have faith to believe.

Cos what if your blessings come through rain drops,

What if your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know you're near.

What if trials of this life are you mercies in disguise.

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win, 

We know, the pain reminds us, this is not, this is not our home.

This is not our home.......

what if your blessings come through rain drops,

What if your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know you're near.

What if my greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life,

Is the revealing of a great thirst this world can't satisfy?

What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights; are your mercies in disguise?

Thank you for your blessings!"

The message in this song is so heart wrenching. When we realise that this life is only temporary and that the pain and disappointments we endure whilst here are only for a short time, we will begin to look beyond our struggles and search for God. It's difficult to see my struggles as blessings but what if I truly can get a revelation of this? What if it's true that blessings come through raindrops and healing comes through tears... If that's the case then I'm on the road to recovery. Either way, it's a poetic twist on what tears usually mean. We know as Christians that God bottles up every tear we have ever shed and that Jesus cries with us but sometimes it's easy to lose sight of that when we can't sense his presence  I know personally that I struggle with this at times. He can seem so distant but in reality, he never leaves our side. It's important to remember that this place is not our real "home", it's very temporary when you begin to have an eternal perspective. To us mere humans we think living 80+ years is a long time because we view it from our circumstances but to God who is timeless, 80+ years is a blink of an eye. I know its hard to fathom such a thing but that's why we have grace for each and every moment. 

I'm going to work on having this sort of perspective as if my tears are leading me closer and closer to healing and that the sufferings I go through are building a stronger, more reliable faith within me because if I choose to see it any other way it could be a rough ride for the remainder of my years. I have to look forward to my life in heaven, reunited with the Heavenly Daddy. I have to look forward to the new earth he will eventually create and just pray that in that next life I will have the perfect, sinless life where people say what they mean and do what they say. Until then, I will worship God through the good and the bad and just pray for peace in this lifetime. 

May God Bless you all in abundance and I pray for each and every one of you that you keep hope alive because without it, it's a very lonely world. Keep your eyes set on Christ and remember, this life is just for a short time. Our true promises we have to look forward too.


Blessings From Above!

Turning The Tables

The past few days had been extremely rough. Just a week ago I was feeling the sense of being healed and that God had truly turned this thing around. I can tell you that restoration and healing is still in Gods plan but I was caught up in a spiritual battle but at the time I was unaware of it. My husband and I were fighting and things weren't looking good. The "D" word was being thrown around and I believed it was over for us. For two days we weren't talking besides the little amounts we had too. In a very short space of time I had this sense that Holy Spirit was saying to me "Go and reconnect with your husband". I was yelling out, "No, I can't go through this pain anymore. Unless you take away my memory, I'm not doing it. I've been doing it long enough". As you can imagine, God had his own plans and I fought him every step of the way. The struggles my husband and I are going through are like a tsunami and satan doesn't want God to have the victory because the previous 2.5 weeks were absolutely amazing. A true vision of healing. Anyway, it didn't take me long to figure out I was caught up in a spiritual battle that is beyond me. I could hear the words ringing in my ear "Be Still". Satan had tried and somewhat succeeded with filling my head with things like "You deserve a better life than this one. You can have a husband that won't hurt you". (These were all lies from satan. I do deserve to be happy but not separated from my amazing, faithful husband). For those who know me, I'm a fighter and I generally don't allow satan's words to resonate within me but this was like a bomb had exploded and I didn't know which way was up. 

Anyway, I seeked help through friends that were amazing in prayer. Their words that just seemed to be downloaded straight from God himself truly helped settle my soul. I seeked Biblical counsel from a wise woman whose words just seemed to fill me up. After seeing her, I came home and my inner being was seeking out my husband. I could tell that there was no running from this one. He and I are meant to be together and God has his hand over us. Even if I tried to run, I would always end up back in the arms of my beloved. When God has a plan for your life, you can try to fight it but like myself, he will drag you back to his path kicking and screaming if necessary. I can say that today, my husband and I are back in each others arms and ready to continue to rely on God for his healing within our lives. He has a plan for our marriage and our lives, there's no escaping it. 

During this time of struggle, God met one of the many visions he provided me with. For the past 4 months, God had "World Vision" (Yes, the company) ringing in my ears and deep on my heart. Previously, World Vision put out 3 jobs some months back and I applied for them, staying faithful to God's visions and I was denied every step of the way. I was confused but I chose to stay faithful to his promises and not let the rejection get me down too much. Anyway, 2 weeks ago another casual position came up through World Vision, so I stepped out again in faith and applied. In the midst of this recent crisis, I received an email from World Vision whom have invited me for an interview June 4th. Can you believe it!?! God is so faithful to his promises!! He just knew that the timing was absolutely necessary. Thank You Jesus for loving me and my husband so very much and always coming through. I cannot believe how many promises that have come to light and yet my faith still waivers at times of spiritual attack. Forgive me father, I really am like a young child needing your guidance and direction every step of the way. I'm so thankful that you never give up on us. I love you so much!

Today is another day and I'm ready for the battles ahead. I'm still struggling and God knows what it is I need so I will wait as patiently as I can and watch him move mountains for me. 

God Bless You All!

All in God's timing.

The Armour Of God

Today's discussion is about the armour of God. As Christians we all start to realise at some point in our lives that we are in the spiritual warfare, a battle that we don't always see but a lot of the times we feel. I personally am going through this battle myself and I believe it's different for everyone depending on what season they're currently in. Well, I'm currently in the season of breaking down to be built back up. Beauty from Ashes. My mind is a constant battlefield where my daily prayers are for God's provision and protection whilst trying to renew my mind. As time has gone by, I've come across a few times in passing conversations or through sermons and amazing friends; the importance of putting on the armour of God! It's amazing when God wants you to get a message he will make sure he is heard. I had one beautiful friend tell me that God showed her that I needed to act out putting on the armour daily which was just amazing and for a few days I did it but then I became lazy and content with it. Then my mind was being attacked again. A couple months later, God provides a clear message to another friend of mine who then provides me with a daily prayer that both my husband and I should say daily and guess what..... Yep, you guessed it, it's truly about putting on each piece of the armour. So now there's a pattern I'm seeing here and I realise I need to listen. I've provided the amazing prayer below that was passed onto me:

Armour of God Prayer

"Dear Heavenly Father,

In the name of Jesus Christ Your Son, our Saviour, I ask You to protect my body, soul and spirit. Thank you for the armour that You have given me. I am saved from the wrath of God by the blood of Jesus, and I now put on the helmet of salvation to protect my mind.

Jesus became sin so that I might have the righteousness of God. I take, and put on, the breastplate of righteousness.

My faith is in Jesus Christ and I place Him before me as that mighty shield of faith, and I put my trust in Him to protect me from all of Satan's fiery darts.

I take hold of the belt of truth. Lord, Your word is truth and Jesus himself is "the way, the truth and the life".

Jesus, You are the Prince of Peace, and the gospel is the good news of peace. I place on my feet the shoes of the readiness of the gospel of peace.

Also, I take hold of the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Let it be in my mouth as a double edged sword.

Thank You Father. You are my refuge and fortress, my rock and my shield, in God whom I trust.

Revelations 12:10-11: We overcome Satan when we declare what the blood of Jesus does for us.

Romans 3:23-25; Romans 8:33-34: The devil has no place in me, no power over me, and no unsettled claims against me. All has been settled at the cross by the blood of Jesus."

For good measure I add, in Jesus name we pray, Amen! It's such a powerful prayer to share with your spouse daily. Putting in place the protection over your marriage. At times I struggle to not live in the "if only we knew about this beforehand" scenario but if I can give you any sound advice like many others will at some stage, DO NOT LIVE IN THE IF ONLYS! It's a very difficult place to come back from. I'm telling you from experience. Everyday I'm having to catch those disturbing thoughts captive, rebuke them and remind myself to live in the now whilst focusing on God. I have to remind myself of his promises for my life. Remind myself that my identity is in Christ and truly it is exhausting having this continuous "silent" battle going on inside my head. To those around me I seem composed but the battle in my head is extremely loud and deafening. Satan wants to kill, steal and destroy but through the strength of Jesus Christ he cannot take what is rightfully God's and that is me! I'm not for sale. I cannot be bought but that doesn't mean satans going to give up without a fight. It's important to remember that the majority of the battle is between our Heavenly Father and satan. Jesus will and does go into battle for us and at times we just need to be still. At other times, we need to put our best foot forward and step out in faith. Putting on the armour, reciting a prayer, reading the bible, listening to sermons and sharing our testimony are all things that we can do to show God that we trust him.

Remember to rely on the Holy Spirit as he dwells inside of us. He is there to be a friend, to interpret our needs to God and also to provide us wise counsel. You just have to listen for his soft, pure voice. The Holy Spirit can help you through your spiritual battles but also remember the importance of testing the spirits. (I will go into this further in my next blog). For now, let's focus on the armour of God. 

Ephesians 6:13-18: 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith,with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Stand firm against Satan's attacks. "God is for us so who can be against us - Romans 8:31".


God Bless You!



Armed and Ready.