What would you do with a do over?

 

My husband and I are going through and have gone through a lot of trials in our marriage and we had both gone through struggles before marriage. Like most of you, this life hasn't been a walk in the park. Most of you realise that life's struggles catch up with you at some point or another. If your life is pretty amazing at the moment, truly thank God for his blessings upon you. Pray for wisdom and strength to help you endure the future struggles that will at some stage come your way. If you are currently in the valley of the shadow of death where things seem so hopeless, thank God for the stretching of your faith and stay hopeful knowing that it can't last forever!

There are times my husband and I talk about the life we are looking forward to in heaven and being hopeful that we will still be really close friends up there. You see, life here has been such a strain on both of us and we are just looking forward to the eternal life of joy. We joke around about when God creates the new world that we'd get a proper do over on our marriage free from the reminders of the tainted, hurtful past we are having to overcome and just being like innocent, sinless children who have nothing but love for one another is what we would desire. 

As we all know, God gives us many opportunities in this life to put things the way they are meant to be. Only problem is I can never forget the devastations of this life until I leave it so that is why I speak of a literal do over. You see, my heart will always choose my husband, in this life and in the next. My only problem is that in this life I cannot seem to let go of the wrongs done to me. Now, I understand forgiveness and I have to practise it daily but no matter what, some things just cannot be undone. Life is not how I saw it going for my husband and I but I guess it's important to remember that this life is not my own.

So anyway, this hypothetical scenario is the acknowledgement of my little girl dreams. It is where I get to hold my hope because hope for this life I currently live in  has been lost. Maybe and prayerfully it's only temporarily but either way it isn't what it once was and God only has the answer to my problems now and until forever. I know in my heart of hearts that God wants me to carry joy wherever I go but I'm afraid that light that use to burn so bright inside of me is now a little flame. Not completely blown out but it's on it's way out but it's in Gods safe hands. The next move belongs to him...

Wouldn't life be nice if we could have a literal do over in this lifetime? I know I'd be the first to jump at it but instead I just have to do the best with what I've got. I know that my life and marriage is in God's hands and that he will turn all our hurts and pains into something beautiful because God will not let us go through these struggles without having something more beautiful to look forward to on the other side. Problem is having the patience to wait for God's perfect timing. It truly shouldn't be that difficult since it's in perfect timing but yet our weak fleshly ways keep us crying out for the changes to come much sooner. I know we as a couple struggle with this. 

So I guess what I'm getting at is that I understand how life can be a struggle beyond a measure you thought you'd never be able to deal with. You are not alone. I am there right alongside you but more importantly, God is there with you. Walking you through the hardest and biggest obstacles you may be facing right now. Don't give up, even though you feel like there is no other way, there is a way..... It's God's way! Look to the heavens, give thanks for the things he has provided and have hope for the things yet to come.

God Bless!



When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

Turning The Tables

The past few days had been extremely rough. Just a week ago I was feeling the sense of being healed and that God had truly turned this thing around. I can tell you that restoration and healing is still in Gods plan but I was caught up in a spiritual battle but at the time I was unaware of it. My husband and I were fighting and things weren't looking good. The "D" word was being thrown around and I believed it was over for us. For two days we weren't talking besides the little amounts we had too. In a very short space of time I had this sense that Holy Spirit was saying to me "Go and reconnect with your husband". I was yelling out, "No, I can't go through this pain anymore. Unless you take away my memory, I'm not doing it. I've been doing it long enough". As you can imagine, God had his own plans and I fought him every step of the way. The struggles my husband and I are going through are like a tsunami and satan doesn't want God to have the victory because the previous 2.5 weeks were absolutely amazing. A true vision of healing. Anyway, it didn't take me long to figure out I was caught up in a spiritual battle that is beyond me. I could hear the words ringing in my ear "Be Still". Satan had tried and somewhat succeeded with filling my head with things like "You deserve a better life than this one. You can have a husband that won't hurt you". (These were all lies from satan. I do deserve to be happy but not separated from my amazing, faithful husband). For those who know me, I'm a fighter and I generally don't allow satan's words to resonate within me but this was like a bomb had exploded and I didn't know which way was up. 

Anyway, I seeked help through friends that were amazing in prayer. Their words that just seemed to be downloaded straight from God himself truly helped settle my soul. I seeked Biblical counsel from a wise woman whose words just seemed to fill me up. After seeing her, I came home and my inner being was seeking out my husband. I could tell that there was no running from this one. He and I are meant to be together and God has his hand over us. Even if I tried to run, I would always end up back in the arms of my beloved. When God has a plan for your life, you can try to fight it but like myself, he will drag you back to his path kicking and screaming if necessary. I can say that today, my husband and I are back in each others arms and ready to continue to rely on God for his healing within our lives. He has a plan for our marriage and our lives, there's no escaping it. 

During this time of struggle, God met one of the many visions he provided me with. For the past 4 months, God had "World Vision" (Yes, the company) ringing in my ears and deep on my heart. Previously, World Vision put out 3 jobs some months back and I applied for them, staying faithful to God's visions and I was denied every step of the way. I was confused but I chose to stay faithful to his promises and not let the rejection get me down too much. Anyway, 2 weeks ago another casual position came up through World Vision, so I stepped out again in faith and applied. In the midst of this recent crisis, I received an email from World Vision whom have invited me for an interview June 4th. Can you believe it!?! God is so faithful to his promises!! He just knew that the timing was absolutely necessary. Thank You Jesus for loving me and my husband so very much and always coming through. I cannot believe how many promises that have come to light and yet my faith still waivers at times of spiritual attack. Forgive me father, I really am like a young child needing your guidance and direction every step of the way. I'm so thankful that you never give up on us. I love you so much!

Today is another day and I'm ready for the battles ahead. I'm still struggling and God knows what it is I need so I will wait as patiently as I can and watch him move mountains for me. 

God Bless You All!

All in God's timing.