What would you do with a do over?

 

My husband and I are going through and have gone through a lot of trials in our marriage and we had both gone through struggles before marriage. Like most of you, this life hasn't been a walk in the park. Most of you realise that life's struggles catch up with you at some point or another. If your life is pretty amazing at the moment, truly thank God for his blessings upon you. Pray for wisdom and strength to help you endure the future struggles that will at some stage come your way. If you are currently in the valley of the shadow of death where things seem so hopeless, thank God for the stretching of your faith and stay hopeful knowing that it can't last forever!

There are times my husband and I talk about the life we are looking forward to in heaven and being hopeful that we will still be really close friends up there. You see, life here has been such a strain on both of us and we are just looking forward to the eternal life of joy. We joke around about when God creates the new world that we'd get a proper do over on our marriage free from the reminders of the tainted, hurtful past we are having to overcome and just being like innocent, sinless children who have nothing but love for one another is what we would desire. 

As we all know, God gives us many opportunities in this life to put things the way they are meant to be. Only problem is I can never forget the devastations of this life until I leave it so that is why I speak of a literal do over. You see, my heart will always choose my husband, in this life and in the next. My only problem is that in this life I cannot seem to let go of the wrongs done to me. Now, I understand forgiveness and I have to practise it daily but no matter what, some things just cannot be undone. Life is not how I saw it going for my husband and I but I guess it's important to remember that this life is not my own.

So anyway, this hypothetical scenario is the acknowledgement of my little girl dreams. It is where I get to hold my hope because hope for this life I currently live in  has been lost. Maybe and prayerfully it's only temporarily but either way it isn't what it once was and God only has the answer to my problems now and until forever. I know in my heart of hearts that God wants me to carry joy wherever I go but I'm afraid that light that use to burn so bright inside of me is now a little flame. Not completely blown out but it's on it's way out but it's in Gods safe hands. The next move belongs to him...

Wouldn't life be nice if we could have a literal do over in this lifetime? I know I'd be the first to jump at it but instead I just have to do the best with what I've got. I know that my life and marriage is in God's hands and that he will turn all our hurts and pains into something beautiful because God will not let us go through these struggles without having something more beautiful to look forward to on the other side. Problem is having the patience to wait for God's perfect timing. It truly shouldn't be that difficult since it's in perfect timing but yet our weak fleshly ways keep us crying out for the changes to come much sooner. I know we as a couple struggle with this. 

So I guess what I'm getting at is that I understand how life can be a struggle beyond a measure you thought you'd never be able to deal with. You are not alone. I am there right alongside you but more importantly, God is there with you. Walking you through the hardest and biggest obstacles you may be facing right now. Don't give up, even though you feel like there is no other way, there is a way..... It's God's way! Look to the heavens, give thanks for the things he has provided and have hope for the things yet to come.

God Bless!



When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

Tormented By The Past - Part 2

Hi brothers and sisters, if you haven't read "Part 1" please do so, so that you can keep up to date with God's amazing healing abilities. May God bless you all!

Today I'm going to continue on with "Tormented By The Past - Part 2". What can I say? God can work so quickly when he knows you need his help. When you are putting all your focus on God he can truly provide you with peace and strength to get you through your troubles. The last few days I was truly reaching my breaking point. I couldn't stop the tears from pouring down my face, I felt tormented, beaten, bruised and forgotten but through all of that I was still able to cry out to God. The one thing I've realised is that no matter what I go through in life, no matter how much someone has hurt me, they cannot take away my ability to talk to my Lord and Saviour. Nothing can ever come between this relationship I share with him. 

Another thing I've realised is that it may seem like I/we are powerless BUT through the blood of Jesus Christ we have authority over this world through him. So what does that mean? Well it means that only we can allow fear into our lives. We have a choice to deny it room in our lives or we can fall victim to it and allow it to take up room it doesn't deserve. Satan will try to remind you of past failures and sufferings but it is up to us to declare VICTORY over those things in the name of Jesus. Now, I'm not saying this is easy. Believe me, I struggle with this all the time but the one thing  that you and I need to remember is that Satan is in for an eternal life in hell and he is miserable about it. He's just trying to make you miserable and ruin your relationship with G0d. The sooner you realise this, the sooner satan has less power over you. At times, I felt powerless because I allowed him to make me feel that way. I didn't feel like I had a choice but in reality we all have a choice as to how we let things define us. Stand firm and remember that God goes into battle for us, we just have to continue to stand firm and praise our Heavenly Father. Expect healings, expect restoration and start talking life into your situation instead of death.

You can say something like: "I am healed through the blood of Jesus Christ. I have nothing to fear because I am wonderfully and beautifully made. I am a child of God and no weapon formed against me shall prosper. My marriage has been completely restored to that of it's original design and we have a new covenant in Jesus name, AMEN!" 

Then I remind myself of all God's promises for my life such as, our twin baby boys. These types of things are worth holding on to. God truly loves us, all of us and if we keep our focus on him nothing shall ever truly harm us. 

Proverbs 29:25 The fear of man brings a snare: but whoever puts his trust in the LORD shall be safe.

I recently found out something absolutely mind blowing that has truly resonated with me. Did you know that it is truly important that we praise God even through our trials and tribulations? Before we even begin to request something from him we should be thanking him and praising him for what he has done and what he is going to do. In a sense this is where we breathe life into our situation by thanking Jesus for our victory over the "current" situation. Sing, shout and dance in praise for our Heavenly Father and you will start to see huge differences in your life. It may not happen how or when you want it to but it will happen. God has a plan for our lives and he has a plan for us to prosper, you just have to keep the faith and hold on tight. We know that this season will end and that it can't last forever so don't let the enemy steal your joy. 


God is LOVE!







Fighting the battle to win!

Tormented By The Past - Part 1

Today has been a day of true soul searching. Honestly, it has been one of those extremely emotional, raw days where nothing seemed to go right. I realised after spending time in prayer with God that I haven't truly let go of past hurts and as a Christian we are called to let go of them because they have all been dealt with on the cross. Our past sins have been forgiven if we've asked for forgiveness. Those who have hurt us and we've said we've forgiven no longer owe us anything and their sins have been forgiven but what happens when you want to forgive them, you've followed through with verbally expressing that continuously but yet you are still being tormented by those deep wounds... Where do you turn to and seek refuge? Well, Jesus of course!

Matthew 11:28-29: "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

I've been dealing with past images flashing through my mind as if they were on a spinning wheel going round and round again. I jump straight in and rebuke them and yell out "I give no consent in the name of Jesus" but yet there they still are. As I began to cry out to my Heavenly Daddy asking him why I couldn't move on and what is the purpose of me still being reminded of the evil, hurtful things that I've had to deal with, it was as if a very quiet voice began to talk to me. Yes, it was the Holy Spirit. He softly told me that I'm holding on to the past and until I learn to let go and truly trust God I will not have the peace and joy I desire for my life. Freedom from always looking over my shoulder in fear, free from being worried about bumping into certain people who I feel threatened by. Right now, I'm missing out on having that pure joy for the future. I'm stuck looking backwards while the world keeps on turning and everyone else is still moving forward. Yet, here I am, in darkness by myself but I'm truly never by myself because Jesus is always with me. 

So what now? How does one let go?

Logically, I understand that I have to hand all of the past hurts over to Jesus and lay them at the foot of the cross but yet it's as if they have a retractable cord attached to them. I've tried everything from visualising that I'm cutting the cord between myself and those images, I've visited the places which hold me tormented, I've tried renewing my mind daily, I've been taking communion on the regular, I've even gone as far as writing down names, places etc and then burning them but yet they are still there hurting me daily. I've forgiven those who have hurt me, I've forgiven myself and I had to repent and ask for forgiveness from God because at one point through this healing journey I was playing the blame game on him as well. 

Currently, I feel like I'm the woman in the bubble, trapped inside my own mind and my own house. I go out and instantly I'm flooded with hurtful memories of landmarks etc and that constant fear of running into people and like I said before I focus on taking thoughts captive but still no success. I think I understand that I'm so wrapped in past hurts because it truly ruined my "fairytale" image of life. I no longer can live in the land of the innocent because I know how harsh the world we live in is but I want more than anything else to go back to that reality and that my friends, is what's holding me back. 

How does one let go of their ideal picture of how things are suppose to go in life? 

There are certain things we can all quite easily get over and those "things" are different for each of us and yet, there are those other "things" that seem to ruin our lives instead. The things I'm dealing with my friends, are the things that I would never wish upon another. I have prayed that God never lets another person go through what I'm currently going through but we do live in a fallen world and more people will go through these injustices. 

Life's trials are just that, they are trials and tests of faith and when those tests come along we can seriously assume they are going to be on specific things that God is aware that are our weaknesses. Now, I'm not saying that God makes these bad things happen to us. No! God is a great God. However, the enemy knows our weaknesses and he's been using the same old system of trickery for many many years now. Well, he found my weakness and I fell straight in a pit. A pit of wallowing in self doubt and self pity. It's truly an ugly place to be in. 

Honestly, today I don't have the answer to letting go of the past. This is a process for me. In a previous blog entitled "Health and Wellbeing" I discuss stress relieving techniques however, they are only short term helpers. Then I've also mentioned "Taking Communion" and this one is truly a HUGE help so I'm going to continue with this one because it's also the importance of acknowledging Jesus. 

Anyway, as for things to help move on from the past, I can only suggest things I'm trying to do and I'm not over the past as yet but once I am I will let you know what works for me in more detail. Please see below: 

1. Praying, praying and more praying. 
2. Seek out forgiveness no matter how painful it is.
3. Remind yourself you are a Child of God and live from it.
4. Take communion
5. Focus on the things you have to be thankful for each day.
6. Take every thought captive. (This one I struggle with). 
7. Remind yourself that you've already been through the worst of it and that you survived. Now it's just healing emotionally and spiritually. 
8. If you're like me and places are haunting you because of past memories, go back there, go through the emotions, cry and scream out if need be. Take back those places in the name of Jesus through the authority given to you and rebuke all demonic spirits from those places. (It truly does weaken the enemies hold on these places). 
9. Remember to have fun.
10. Exercise 
11. When thoughts evade your mind, visualise Jesus on the cross and remember that it's all been dealt with.
12. When your mind is being tormented stand up firmly and stomp your feet reminding yourself of the present day and that you have already walked through the past.
13. Pamper yourself
14. Sing and dance
15. Write names and places on a piece of paper, say a little something like "all though you hurt me and you may of had a piece of my past, you will not have my present or future. In Jesus name, I free myself from being enslaved and tormented by ____. I forgive them for their sins. Please bless them in Jesus name, Amen". Then burn, bury or throw out  the papers as a way of letting go. 
16. Talk to friends, family and a counsellor if need be. 
17. Last but definitely not least, DON'T GIVE UP! 

All of life's struggles are temporary. They may seem long and drawn out but one day we will be able to look back and be amazed that it's all over. 

My healing journey is not over yet friends and most days are a struggle just to function like a normal person but I do have good days way more than I did before. My mind is quite often foggy or being tormented. I truly look forward to the day that I'm able to "let go". It's a lot of work and effort and without my Heavenly Father's guidance and reassurance I am sure I wouldn't of made it this far. We need to be soldiers of Christ, willing to go into battle through anything for the sake of our Saviour. Remember what he went through for us. As I ponder ways of letting go, please pray for me. I'm just a regular person like yourself trying to be the best Christian I can be. 

God Bless you all.

A Survivor in the making!