Tormented By The Past - 3rd and Final

Hi brothers and sisters, if you haven't read "Part 1" and "Part 2" please do so, so that you can keep up to date with God's amazing healing abilities. May God bless you all!

As you may have noticed I've written that this blog on the series "Tormented By the Past" is going to be my last on this topic. There has been a huge transition from where I was to where I am now. As I'm writing you, I'm trying to think what things truly helped with my letting go of past hurts and disappointments and I know this is going to sound a bit cliche but truly it was God's amazing blessings partnered with determination. 

Honestly, when you are so broken that the only thing that is going to get you out of a really bad situation is relying on our Heavenly Father, he truly steps in and does the rest for you. When I truly opened my heart and gave him the key, he was able to step in and work his miracles. There has been a complete shift in my way of thinking from feeling like a victim to knowing that I'm a survivor. One of the biggest pieces of advice I could give you is to focus less on your problems at hand and seek out God in everything you do. What I mean by that is, when we spend so much time focusing on our problems we allow them to become a much bigger problem. You are breathing life into the ugly and that is exactly what satan wants us to do. When you redirect your focus on God you are strengthening that relationship which decreases the strength of your current situation. 

Philippians 4:8:"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

This was not an easy journey for my husband and I but I have learnt so much from our season of suffering in the valley. I'm not saying that bad days won't come from now on because that would be a lie but I know with all of my heart and soul we are on the other side of this thing. I know who I am and that my identity is in Christ and never again will anyone steal that from me. 

What I can say is that through our trials, especially the extremely severe broken foundational trials is that unless you go through it, you will never understand just how painful it truly is. Also, when you've been through such devastation you will be amazed at the true connection you have with your Heavenly Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Before this season of suffering, I had never really experienced Gods "REAL" love. I was working to please him which is truly a waste of time because we cannot make him love us anymore or any less than he already does. I had never really experienced that deep connection with the Holy Spirit until now. I can honestly hear his pure and soft voice that dwells within me. He's such an amazing counsellor and I expect that over time that voice will be heard more frequent and a lot more clearer. 

As I was spending time in prayer a few days ago I invited the Holy Spirit into my conversation and I couldn't believe what I was hearing!! At first I was sceptical but he truly expressed things that no one else knew, he quoted biblical verses that not even I had read before and he even explained the importance of testing the spirits. It was so fascinating. He explained things in our healing journey, he gave clear instructions and told me when this season was going to come to an end. The fact is that, the Holy Spirit who dwells in you is real. He wants a relationship with you. He wants to speak to you on behalf of God. He is so loving and so trustworthy. For some people, experiencing the true depth of the Holy Spirit seems so distant and impossible but I'm here to tell you that he is real and he is just waiting for you to seek him out. It may not happen straight away but stay persistent. Faith will always be the driving force. When you have an abundance of faith in Christ, Jesus you will be amazed at the miracles you start to see big and small. 

All though I have been through many trials in my life already, I realise that God has had a plan and purpose for all of our shortcomings all along. He truly is turning it all around for our good. I still have some smaller hurdles to overcome but all things through Christ are possible. The fear that was driving me beforehand is no longer a strong presence in my life. I no longer feel like the woman trapped in a bubble or in fear of running into people to the same degree I was before. I have a sense of purpose and direction and I've become a woman after God's own heart. May God bless you all and do the same for you. Life is one big journey that God takes us on, removing the fruitless things in our lives and replacing them with blessings. Sometimes, in fact most of the time that isn't a painless process but stay focused because there is a purpose for your suffering.

God loves you!

Tormented No Longer!

Tormented By The Past - Part 2

Hi brothers and sisters, if you haven't read "Part 1" please do so, so that you can keep up to date with God's amazing healing abilities. May God bless you all!

Today I'm going to continue on with "Tormented By The Past - Part 2". What can I say? God can work so quickly when he knows you need his help. When you are putting all your focus on God he can truly provide you with peace and strength to get you through your troubles. The last few days I was truly reaching my breaking point. I couldn't stop the tears from pouring down my face, I felt tormented, beaten, bruised and forgotten but through all of that I was still able to cry out to God. The one thing I've realised is that no matter what I go through in life, no matter how much someone has hurt me, they cannot take away my ability to talk to my Lord and Saviour. Nothing can ever come between this relationship I share with him. 

Another thing I've realised is that it may seem like I/we are powerless BUT through the blood of Jesus Christ we have authority over this world through him. So what does that mean? Well it means that only we can allow fear into our lives. We have a choice to deny it room in our lives or we can fall victim to it and allow it to take up room it doesn't deserve. Satan will try to remind you of past failures and sufferings but it is up to us to declare VICTORY over those things in the name of Jesus. Now, I'm not saying this is easy. Believe me, I struggle with this all the time but the one thing  that you and I need to remember is that Satan is in for an eternal life in hell and he is miserable about it. He's just trying to make you miserable and ruin your relationship with G0d. The sooner you realise this, the sooner satan has less power over you. At times, I felt powerless because I allowed him to make me feel that way. I didn't feel like I had a choice but in reality we all have a choice as to how we let things define us. Stand firm and remember that God goes into battle for us, we just have to continue to stand firm and praise our Heavenly Father. Expect healings, expect restoration and start talking life into your situation instead of death.

You can say something like: "I am healed through the blood of Jesus Christ. I have nothing to fear because I am wonderfully and beautifully made. I am a child of God and no weapon formed against me shall prosper. My marriage has been completely restored to that of it's original design and we have a new covenant in Jesus name, AMEN!" 

Then I remind myself of all God's promises for my life such as, our twin baby boys. These types of things are worth holding on to. God truly loves us, all of us and if we keep our focus on him nothing shall ever truly harm us. 

Proverbs 29:25 The fear of man brings a snare: but whoever puts his trust in the LORD shall be safe.

I recently found out something absolutely mind blowing that has truly resonated with me. Did you know that it is truly important that we praise God even through our trials and tribulations? Before we even begin to request something from him we should be thanking him and praising him for what he has done and what he is going to do. In a sense this is where we breathe life into our situation by thanking Jesus for our victory over the "current" situation. Sing, shout and dance in praise for our Heavenly Father and you will start to see huge differences in your life. It may not happen how or when you want it to but it will happen. God has a plan for our lives and he has a plan for us to prosper, you just have to keep the faith and hold on tight. We know that this season will end and that it can't last forever so don't let the enemy steal your joy. 


God is LOVE!







Fighting the battle to win!

Tormented By The Past - Part 1

Today has been a day of true soul searching. Honestly, it has been one of those extremely emotional, raw days where nothing seemed to go right. I realised after spending time in prayer with God that I haven't truly let go of past hurts and as a Christian we are called to let go of them because they have all been dealt with on the cross. Our past sins have been forgiven if we've asked for forgiveness. Those who have hurt us and we've said we've forgiven no longer owe us anything and their sins have been forgiven but what happens when you want to forgive them, you've followed through with verbally expressing that continuously but yet you are still being tormented by those deep wounds... Where do you turn to and seek refuge? Well, Jesus of course!

Matthew 11:28-29: "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

I've been dealing with past images flashing through my mind as if they were on a spinning wheel going round and round again. I jump straight in and rebuke them and yell out "I give no consent in the name of Jesus" but yet there they still are. As I began to cry out to my Heavenly Daddy asking him why I couldn't move on and what is the purpose of me still being reminded of the evil, hurtful things that I've had to deal with, it was as if a very quiet voice began to talk to me. Yes, it was the Holy Spirit. He softly told me that I'm holding on to the past and until I learn to let go and truly trust God I will not have the peace and joy I desire for my life. Freedom from always looking over my shoulder in fear, free from being worried about bumping into certain people who I feel threatened by. Right now, I'm missing out on having that pure joy for the future. I'm stuck looking backwards while the world keeps on turning and everyone else is still moving forward. Yet, here I am, in darkness by myself but I'm truly never by myself because Jesus is always with me. 

So what now? How does one let go?

Logically, I understand that I have to hand all of the past hurts over to Jesus and lay them at the foot of the cross but yet it's as if they have a retractable cord attached to them. I've tried everything from visualising that I'm cutting the cord between myself and those images, I've visited the places which hold me tormented, I've tried renewing my mind daily, I've been taking communion on the regular, I've even gone as far as writing down names, places etc and then burning them but yet they are still there hurting me daily. I've forgiven those who have hurt me, I've forgiven myself and I had to repent and ask for forgiveness from God because at one point through this healing journey I was playing the blame game on him as well. 

Currently, I feel like I'm the woman in the bubble, trapped inside my own mind and my own house. I go out and instantly I'm flooded with hurtful memories of landmarks etc and that constant fear of running into people and like I said before I focus on taking thoughts captive but still no success. I think I understand that I'm so wrapped in past hurts because it truly ruined my "fairytale" image of life. I no longer can live in the land of the innocent because I know how harsh the world we live in is but I want more than anything else to go back to that reality and that my friends, is what's holding me back. 

How does one let go of their ideal picture of how things are suppose to go in life? 

There are certain things we can all quite easily get over and those "things" are different for each of us and yet, there are those other "things" that seem to ruin our lives instead. The things I'm dealing with my friends, are the things that I would never wish upon another. I have prayed that God never lets another person go through what I'm currently going through but we do live in a fallen world and more people will go through these injustices. 

Life's trials are just that, they are trials and tests of faith and when those tests come along we can seriously assume they are going to be on specific things that God is aware that are our weaknesses. Now, I'm not saying that God makes these bad things happen to us. No! God is a great God. However, the enemy knows our weaknesses and he's been using the same old system of trickery for many many years now. Well, he found my weakness and I fell straight in a pit. A pit of wallowing in self doubt and self pity. It's truly an ugly place to be in. 

Honestly, today I don't have the answer to letting go of the past. This is a process for me. In a previous blog entitled "Health and Wellbeing" I discuss stress relieving techniques however, they are only short term helpers. Then I've also mentioned "Taking Communion" and this one is truly a HUGE help so I'm going to continue with this one because it's also the importance of acknowledging Jesus. 

Anyway, as for things to help move on from the past, I can only suggest things I'm trying to do and I'm not over the past as yet but once I am I will let you know what works for me in more detail. Please see below: 

1. Praying, praying and more praying. 
2. Seek out forgiveness no matter how painful it is.
3. Remind yourself you are a Child of God and live from it.
4. Take communion
5. Focus on the things you have to be thankful for each day.
6. Take every thought captive. (This one I struggle with). 
7. Remind yourself that you've already been through the worst of it and that you survived. Now it's just healing emotionally and spiritually. 
8. If you're like me and places are haunting you because of past memories, go back there, go through the emotions, cry and scream out if need be. Take back those places in the name of Jesus through the authority given to you and rebuke all demonic spirits from those places. (It truly does weaken the enemies hold on these places). 
9. Remember to have fun.
10. Exercise 
11. When thoughts evade your mind, visualise Jesus on the cross and remember that it's all been dealt with.
12. When your mind is being tormented stand up firmly and stomp your feet reminding yourself of the present day and that you have already walked through the past.
13. Pamper yourself
14. Sing and dance
15. Write names and places on a piece of paper, say a little something like "all though you hurt me and you may of had a piece of my past, you will not have my present or future. In Jesus name, I free myself from being enslaved and tormented by ____. I forgive them for their sins. Please bless them in Jesus name, Amen". Then burn, bury or throw out  the papers as a way of letting go. 
16. Talk to friends, family and a counsellor if need be. 
17. Last but definitely not least, DON'T GIVE UP! 

All of life's struggles are temporary. They may seem long and drawn out but one day we will be able to look back and be amazed that it's all over. 

My healing journey is not over yet friends and most days are a struggle just to function like a normal person but I do have good days way more than I did before. My mind is quite often foggy or being tormented. I truly look forward to the day that I'm able to "let go". It's a lot of work and effort and without my Heavenly Father's guidance and reassurance I am sure I wouldn't of made it this far. We need to be soldiers of Christ, willing to go into battle through anything for the sake of our Saviour. Remember what he went through for us. As I ponder ways of letting go, please pray for me. I'm just a regular person like yourself trying to be the best Christian I can be. 

God Bless you all.

A Survivor in the making!