For all those who know our testimony you will know that devastation hit us 2.5 years ago when my husband confessed that he had been committing adultery. It completely shattered my heart and I felt it smash into a million pieces and land on the floor that very day.. Looking back on how far we have come and the journey Jesus has had us on is remarkable to say the least. There has been so much healing that has taken place over the last few years, it's truly incredible. Our marriage was saved by Jesus himself. Without him we would have been another ugly marital statistic that ended up in divorce. That is not part of Gods plan. God didn't cause these things to happen, it was the enemy. He comes to kill, steal and destroy and let me tell you, he stole from me what was valuable. That very day my husband confessed the old me died and so did he. At the time it seemed that we would never come back from that devastation and that life would be meaningless and lost from that point forth. However, Jesus has been showing us that there is purpose to this life beyond our suffering and there is freedom in the finished work on the cross. Forgiveness has been so important in this process and just when you think you've forgiven everything something ugly will boil up inside of you that you need to take to the cross and forgive all over again. Forgiveness of such sin is like layers of an onion. Bit by bit The Holy Spirit allows a different layer to peal off allowing you to face it so that it can be dealt with. You see The Holy Spirit will not give you more than you can handle in the moment so he will allow things to surface gradually until there is no more left.
Through this journey I have had to face my very own identity crisis, not knowing who I am and whether I was valuable because of my husbands actions. The lies of the enemy would tell me that I'm not worth being faithful too and that I wasn't pretty enough or the other women were sexier than I. I have to tell you, I started to believe it and it sunk so deeply in my heart that it created deep insecurities that only The Father could deal with. I have been focusing more and more on who I am in Christ and as I do this I've started to see my worth through Jesus eyes. I'm a beautiful child of God. I'm worth more to him than rubies and diamonds. I was and am worth dying for!! That's amazing when you realise that God sent his son to die JUST FOR YOU! Thank you Jesus for seeing the value in me even when I can't see it in myself. I also want those of you out there that have been dealt this ugly card that your spouse cheating is not your fault. It's truly not. It's another lie from the devil that we get caught up believing. "Maybe if you were more intimate he wouldn't have had to cheat on you etc..." It's all RUBBISH! I believe it's important to own our own mistakes in our relationships too and during this healing process it's such a great time to do a self analysis and own up the faults you may have played BUT in saying this THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR SOMEONE CHEATING! NONE! I didn't realise it but I had my husband in my God spot, I idolised the ground he walked on and my expectations of him were to be Jesus. I wasn't purposely doing this but thats the kind of pressure I had on him. No one can be Jesus, except Jesus! We are all sinners who have fallen short and need a saviour that's just the reality of it. My husband was so caught up in the sin of lust through pornography introduced to him at such a young age, that thing had him tied down in bondage and only Jesus could free him from that. It breaks my heart thinking of the many many lives out there caught in these very same traps... It's terrible but there is hope in Jesus...
I have to tell you God has had us on a journey living in the outback and caring for Indigenous children and has given me purpose beyond myself. We get to be like Jesus to these children each and every day and share the gospel with many. There are so many people who are hurting much more than I and who are much more lost than I and I tell you what, it so helps to put your eyes on Jesus and to help others whilst going through your storm. God has allowed my heart to heal in so many ways from the adultery but has also allowed my heart to break for the Aboriginal people here in Australia. Their lives are precious and it's our job to show them just how much they are loved.
Well, it's now holiday time for the children and their families and God has shown me that it's time to return to the place where my devastation was laid upon me, back to the home state. I believe God is showing me that this is a necessary step, the last step to our healing journey before we can close the book and start a fresh. I tell you what, I have been so nervous, scared and fear driven these past few weeks leading up to this big step ahead of us BUT I know that fear is not from God because perfect love casts out all fear and God is LOVE. It's a tactic of the enemy because he wants me to back out and not follow through. Well, he's got another thing coming because we are going!!! I'm so thankful that my days are generally filled with joy for the most part. I won't lie to you, there are still the odd moments where I'm back, deep in it BUT it's not the same and it definitely doesn't last as long. I believe the day that I no longer feel any residual pain is the day I'm finally free and I know it's so so close!! THANK YOU JESUS! Please pray for my husband and I as we face this last hurdle that God will walk with us and guide our every step. That The Holy Spirit will protect my mind and that the angels with keep us safe and out of harms way. It's a time to rejoice because through Christ Jesus we have overcome the devils schemes of destruction and God rewards his faithful servants for standing firm through the trials we face. Praise God for our NEW lives in HIM! Amen
Signing Off,
Warrior Princess!
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