My husband and I have been up and down emotionally like a Yo-Yo these past couple of years due to the adultery and infertility devastations. We have days and weeks where things are great and then an image, nightmare or reminder would come into my head like it flew in there and I'd rebuke the devil and claim the victory of healing but the image would manifest into something uglier and I'd fall for the devils nasty tricks over and over. I could see it so clearly when my mind was right but then in the midst of it, it was like I didn't know which way was up or down. Not only were we struggling with the past and my husband struggling with the guilt and shame but we are also missionaries too remember!?! Living to serve God's children... We are houseparents to between 9-12 teenage girls that were going through their very own spiritual battles so we had a lot on our shoulders to say the least.
My husband and I were struggling to keep our heads above water. There was a further break down in communication which we now realise is the devils ultimate plan. Ultimately he is just trying to kill, steal and destroy. Breaking down relationships is his fortay and he has been doing it for a mighty long time. As soon as someone pointed this out to us we were more equipped to realise it and repent, forgive and give glory to God which would make the devil flee.
Anyway, things got so bad we just couldn't take it anymore and decided that we are surrounded by Christians and it was time to lean not only on Christ and each other but our brothers and sisters in Christ as well. So, we went to a friend of ours house and they prayed for us. These guys are so revved up for Jesus, have the gift of healing and the Holy Spirit gives them images and words to speak into peoples lives. These guys are such a blessing to us. Anyway, we went to their house and our brother in Christ reminded my husband that he is spotless now through the finished work on the cross. He is and we are children of God. Sons and daughters of the most high. My husband had been beaten over the head so much by the devil, by seeing me in pain that he dropped his identity and accepted the devils thoughts as his own and so had I. It was this reminder that put him back into perspective and set him free from that bondage again. AMEN! Our brother "Tee" said to my husband "M" that sin is like a bucket of paint, sometimes it get's spilt or we spill it all over the white walls (life) and through Christ overcoming death and sin on the cross he has cleaned it all up. That really hit home for me. Then as I was praying I got an image of white walls and me kicking the bucket over to make it spill on the walls. As if I was searching hard to see whether there was anymore sin left in my husbands life. Then "Cee" our brother's wife said to me that she had this image of me searching frantically in the corners of this white walled room high and low for the stains and on the walls but there were no stains on my husband because it's been dealt with but the paint was on my clothes, I was wearing his sins but it wasn't touching my skin because I'm also free from sin through Christ. "Cee's" interpretation was that I'm looking every where in my husbands life to see if theirs still areas of sin that he's carrying around of hiding from me because I don't trust him but that he is free and is no longer that man that once hurt me deeply. He has been made new and righteous and he is a faithful, honourable man of God and that I don't need to look or search anymore but that I have to take off those old clothes, meaning I had to take off that old condemnation, sin nature, burden, hurt and put on my white clean robe that Jesus gave to me freely on the cross. When she told me this I knew this was right and I started bawling like a baby. It hit home because I had been so sin conscious that I would search high and low to see if my husband was just "pretending" to be healed but I never found anything. In the past 2.5 years I have not been able to find a single thing out of place in my husbands life. Not one thing. Whereas before, I didn't need to search very far to find the ugliness. It's amazing and yet scary all at once. I told "Cee" the vision I had and I was so amazed and what God had just showed us. From that point on for about 3 or 4 weeks I was completely and utterly free from the devils sneaky ways and I felt 100% healed once and for all.
It was the most amazing experience. I went home and repented for the hatred that was festering inside of me towards the other women, I made a visual declaration to Jesus and took off the spotted clothes and through them in a visual fire and accepted my white robe from Jesus. I basked in the beauty of freedom. I praised and worshipped Jesus in the morning when I woke up I'd praise him, thank him and declare that I was healed and free and spotless at night I'd do the same. It was soooo beautiful.
3 or 4 weeks later.....
There were random thoughts going through my head which at first I knew weren't mine so it was quite easy to recognise it was the enemy and I just declared I was healed and praised Jesus but then there were some other thoughts of us running into the other women at a shopping centre and I first thought hey, that would be a good opportunity to show forgiveness and grace but then it morphed into myself being full of anxiety and fear... There it was!! The devil had me again... I was truly a mess, deep in the pain and destruction of it all, all over again. It was a very wrestles night and I woke up the next day drained, tired and a sense of hopelessness fell upon me. You see after this much time you start to question whether you will ever be free. It truly brings you down but I'm aware that it's the enemies schemes to try to keep me away from my breakthrough.
A few days later.......
I woke up and Jesus freed me from the devil and he fleed. Jesus restored my hope and my fight to continue. AMEN!
