The past few weeks had been quite a struggle for me up until about 4 days ago. I kept asking God "when will this suffering end? I cannot keep going on like this. It's too much. I poured out my heart and let God know that I know that he loves me and has a plan to prosper me however, I don't think I can hold on much longer. After many sleepless, teary eyed nights I woke up one morning and a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Thank you Jesus!!!
I've realised today that I have the freedom to start over in my marriage because Jesus paid the ultimate price for me and when he said "it is finished" he meant it is finished. I no longer need to feel the depths of pain caused by sin. I no longer have to see myself as a victim because I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor and I'm a child of God who has the exact same Holy Spirit dwelling in me as Jesus had within him many many years ago. I no longer want to or need to be tied down by past hurts because I can let go of them and let God so that is what I'm going to do. Today I take a stand and through the strength, guidance and wisdom of my Heavenly Father I will be free to love and trust my husband again because I can trust that God has healed him from the inside out. I choose to trust God with my life even when it seems hopeless. I can guarantee that I will not do it perfectly but I will do my best and I know that, that is enough for my Heavenly Father because he will do the rest. Life is a funny thing you know and until you go through something seriously life altering you do not realise how much you were taking for granted. It's as if through our trials we gain wisdom, freedom, identity when we choose to lean into The Lord and we gain a new perspective on the way we were once living. The storm my marriage endured was excruciating and I would never want to re live it or wish it upon anyone else but sadly we will all endure something in our lives that stretches us. It's just a matter of how we cope with those moments when they come. If I could give you any advice at all, do not run from your storm, lean into it, go through it. Experience every emotion that comes with it. Process it and lean in towards Jesus. When you are ready you can then let go but know that God is in control. Know that you will never be the same you as you left behind before the storm but you can be a better version of yourself if you put in the time, patience and endurance.
May God watch over every single on of you and help you on this journey to be more like Christ.
God Bless,
Freedom comes with forgiveness
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